Unhealthy relationships

Unfortunately, not all relationships are healthy. Qualities like kindness and respect are absolute musts for a healthy relationship, and if someone you're with is making you feel bad - you need to change things.

It's not good to stay in a relationship that involves abusive behavior of any kind. A relationship is unhealthy when it involves someone being mean to you, or trying to control you, or disrespecting you or abusing you.

Abuse in a relationship can take many forms and both men and women can be abusive partners or victims of abuse. Abuse is always wrong.

Abuse can be verbal, emotional, sexual or physical. If your partner insults you, uses mean language to put you down or gets physical by hitting or slapping you, or by forcing you into sexual activity, it is abuse.

Verbal abuse

Verbal abuse is if someone threatens you or calls you nasty names, perhaps someone who shouts at you all the time to make you feel bad.

Emotional abuse

Emotional abuse is if someone uses their power to manipulate and control you. You might feel scared to do something in case it upsets them, or they might constantly check up on you, or demand to know where you are all the time.

Physical abuse

Physical abuse is if someone is physically hurting you in any way (by hitting or slapping you, for example).

Sexual abuse

Sexual abuse is If someone forces you into sexual activity you don't want or threatens you if you do not have sexual contact with them.

It's time to get out if your boyfriend or girlfriend is acting in any of these ways:

• Gets angry when you don't drop everything for him or her
• Criticises the way you look or dress, and says you'll never be able to find anyone else who would date you
• Keeps you from seeing friends, or from talking to any other guys or girls
• Wants you to quit an activity, even though you love it
• Ever raises a hand when angry, like he or she is about to hit you
• Tries to force you to go further sexually than you want to.

If you can think of any way in which your boyfriend or girlfriend is trying to control you, make you feel bad about yourself, isolate you from the rest of your world, or harm you physically or sexually, then it's really important to tell someone about what is happening.

It's sometimes really tempting to make excuses or misinterpret violence, possessiveness, or anger as an expression of love. But, even if you believe that the person hurting you loves you, it is not healthy.

You don't deserve to be threatened, hit, shoved, or forced into anything you don't want to do.

Getting help

If you are or have been in an abusive relationship it's really important to remember that you have done absolutely nothing wrong. You need the right support to make sure that you are OK and any abuse does not continue.

If you have experienced any form of abuse it can be very difficult to talk about it. You might feel worried about what will happen to you if you speak out. Sometimes people who have been abused can fear that they won't be believed if they tell someone.

However, it is very important not to let this fear stop you from getting help.You could tell a trusted friend, teacher, youth worker or family member about what's going on so they can help make sure you're safe.

If you are in immediate danger you should call the police.

Some people in an abusive relationship prefer to talk to a stranger about what's going on. There are many organisations that can offer support if you are in an abusive relationship.

If you want to talk about problems in your relationship or you want to know where to go for support, call Ask Brook on: 0808 802 1234. Your call will be confidential. That means we won't tell anyone.