Having sex for the first time

If you've never had sex before, no one would expect you to know how to do it. Good sex is more about feeling comfortable around someone, trusting them and being able to communicate with them than it is about having the perfect technique.

When you decide to have sex for the first time, you may well be nervous. But there's no right or wrong way to have sex and it is important for two people to feel comfortable and do what makes them both feel good.

It's likely to take some time before things go smoothly. So don't feel too let down if your first time doesn't go exactly as you planned, sex generally gets better the more times you do it and the more you learn about it.

Remember, even if you do decide to have sex, It is completely OK to say no or stop at any point if you don't want to continue. Nobody has the right to make you do anything you're not happy to do, so only have sex if you are really happy to. That's true for the first time and every time you have sex.

It is also important to keep in mind that you can still get pregnant or get an infection, even if it is your first time. So, it is really important to have contraception sorted first. You can find more information on contraception here.

Fears about having sex for the first time

Sometimes people hear that sex for the first time is going to be really painful or frightening. Actually, for some people, having sex for the first time can be really good, and not painful or uncomfortable at all.

Sometimes the worries can be about our bodies. Boys and young men worry that their penis won't be big enough, or will be too big. Girls and young women might worry that their vagina will be stretched or damaged. In fact, having sex doesn't change the size or shape of the vagina in any way. The vagina is a bit like an elastic tube that stretches to accommodate the penis whatever size it is and then goes back to its original size and shape afterwards.

The only change that can sometimes happen to a woman after having sex is that her hymen can be stretched or torn. The hymen is a ring of thin skin which covers part of the opening of the vagina. It does not cover the vagina completely. When the hymen stretches it can feel uncomfortable or be a bit painful. Sometimes, the hymen can also tear if it stretches quickly, and this can cause some bleeding. This is completely normal and nothing to worry about.

If you want to talk to someone about having sex for the first time, ring Ask Brook on 0808 802 1234. Your call will be confidential. That means we won't tell anyone about it.