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Alice has over 3 years experience as an Education and Wellbeing Specialist – hear about her experience delivering RSE, and how you can feel more prepared.
Nothing can ever quite fully prepare you for the first time a young person asks an unexpected question in a Relationships and Sex Education (RSE) lesson.
Perhaps the question is personal, it might be about you, it might involve language you’ve never heard before, it might even be offensive. Some students will laugh, others will look mortified or like the anticipation of the answer is too much for them to bear. And as the facilitator, well, you panic. At least that’s what I felt the first time it happened to me, But three years later, not a single question can shock me!
RSE is now a recognised part of school life; Students want to talk about relationships, sex, and the situations they see around them every day. Thanks to the mandatory nature of RSE, stigma around these conversations is starting to fall away and schools are now often where those conversations begin.
Despite this, many teachers say they were never formally trained to manage such conversations yet expectations around RSE have grown quickly. Teachers are guiding discussions that can be sensitive and sometimes unpredictable while managing full timetables, safeguarding responsibilities and everything else that comes with teaching.
And teachers want to get it right, especially when those difficult questions come up, but right now, many are having to build confidence as they go.
Today, young people’s friendships and relationships are shaped by social media and online communities and whilst these seem like explorative spaces, they can be isolating and confusing. Students often arrive in the classroom already trying to understand information they have seen online or situations they have seen among their friends, and school may be the only place where they can talk openly about this.
Isha remembers how quickly things became intense when she began messaging someone she liked. At first the conversation felt exciting. Messages arrived throughout the day. She started checking her phone constantly, worried she might miss something or reply too slowly. Gradually the relationship began to feel stressful rather than enjoyable. At the time she did not have the language to understand what was happening and she didn’t understand what a healthy relationship looked or felt like.
Rosie struggled for years with a health condition she did not fully understand. At the time she felt confused and isolated, and it was difficult to talk about, especially as she did not know where to find reliable information. Looking back, she believes clearer education earlier in life would have helped her understand what was happening much sooner, because when young people understand their own bodies better, they are less likely to feel alone and scared when unexpected things happen.
Stories like Isha’s and Rosie’s illustrate why RSE matters so much: These experiences do not begin in textbooks, they are already part of young people’s lives, and they need safe, educational spaces to make sense of what is happening to them and the world around them.
When teachers create space for discussion, those experiences can be explored in a calmer and more supportive way.
Across the UK, RSE is often delivered by teachers who have had little formal preparation for it. They often agree to take on RSE as part of PSHE or pastoral learning because they see the value in the subject or because they are the most comfortable and willing member of staff to do so. This lack of training means over time they develop their own approach through experience, guidance and conversations with colleagues.
Many teachers say that RSE lessons are some of the most meaningful they teach, but they are also some of the most unpredictable, which makes it daunting and can leave them wondering if they said or did the right thing.
A discussion might begin with friendships and quickly move into questions about pressure and coercion. A task about gender diversity can become a ground for slurs and sharing misinformation. Talking about sex can easily go from mature understanding to silly or inappropriate behaviour.
“How many genders are there?” “Are men better than women?” “Is it rape if you’re both drunk?” “Will you call the police if I send a nude image to my partner?” “How do two women have sex?” “What’s a ‘gangbang’?” “How many people have you slept with, Miss?” These are all questions I have been asked, some in front of a room of 100 students and mostly to rapturous hilarity of fellow peers.
But this is the reality of teaching RSE; difficult and challenging questions are asked all the time, out of the blue, and teachers are expected to manage this while keeping the classroom safe and respectful for everyone involved.
This is why many teachers would welcome clearer guidance and support when delivering RSE, both in terms of fact and content, as well as practical ways to respond to difficult situations.
For teachers looking for that practical support, Brook provides guidance on delivering RSE in schools through an online course, How to Deliver RSE and sends regular emails to Learning Network of teachers who subscribe for free tips, updates on RSE – and they really are helpful starting points!
What makes RSE even harder for teachers to manage is not always seeing the impact RSE has on students. I certainly found this difficult to manage at first – I thought I’d be changing lives but instead I felt I was just making young people laugh! What I learnt pretty quickly, is that for some students, the impact of the conversations only become clear in the days, weeks, months, even years after the session.
Cassie still remembers the first time Brook visited their school. At the time they had questions they did not feel comfortable asking anywhere else. Like many teenagers, they assumed everyone else understood relationships better than they did.
The session felt different from the lessons they were used to. Students were able to talk openly and ask questions without feeling embarrassed. Hearing others speak made them realise many students were also wondering the same things, and that stayed with them. They reflected that the conversations helped them feel more confident about understanding their own experiences and asking questions when something did not feel right.
Cassie’s experience shows what RSE can offer when it works well. It is not simply information; it is reassurance and perspective.
As you ease into teaching RSE, you start to notice this shift in opinion or thought happening during lessons too. Often you will put a question out to the room – “What does respect in a relationship actually look like?” You’ll be met with silence and students glancing at one another, but then someone will speak up, and then someone else, and then someone else. “Trust.” “Honesty.” “Care.” And if they don’t speak up, the activity changes – everyone speaks to the person next to them for two minutes, writes one word on a post it note and pops it into a basket for the teacher to then read out.
Soon the conversation will move on, maybe to experiences they have seen among friends or online, and by the end of the lesson students who had been silent at the start are contributing their own thoughts. This often takes the session beyond what was planned but it is when things go off script that some of the most thoughtful conversations and most meaningful learning happens.
Confidence in teaching RSE often grows when teachers have access to the right support: Clear frameworks that help structure lessons, trusted resources that provide reassurance that information is accurate and appropriate, and training that allows educators to explore topics in more depth and learn from each other are all really powerful tools worth investing in.
Many teachers also find it valuable to hear the experience of other teachers and connect with others facing similar challenges.
Unfortunately, I cannot wave a magic wand and provide you with all the training and experience and resource needed for you to feel the confidence you want to feel, but as someone who has been in your shoes I can offer you the following advice…
Every RSE teacher experiences lack of confidence or worry about delivering such a complex and personal topic. Do your reading (or even scrolling – get a TikTok account to understand what students are seeing!). Be prepared for anything and remind yourself (as well as the class) RSE is fun! It might feel giggly or uncomfortable at times but that’s just because we’re not used to talking about this stuff – it’s important knowledge to have, if not for now, for in the future, so that everyone can be safe and have happy, supported lives.
So if you are asked a question that you have no idea about, admit it! “Such a great question. You know, I’m not actually sure about that so let me do some research and I’ll get back to you.”
On that note, sometimes young people will use language that you might get an inkling isn’t appropriate. You can ask a young person what something means and if they won’t tell you, you can explain that if it’s not appropriate enough to explain then its not language they should be using in the classroom. And if they do tell you, it’s a great opportunity to explore as a group – “What is that word? Why does it exist? Is it appropriate? What other language could be use instead that is more appropriate?”
Run lesson plans by other teachers or co-create lessons together. It will give you much more confidence in what you are teaching. It’s also great to debrief with other teachers, for your own peace of mind and also to pick up on themes that young people might be repeatedly bringing up.
It might be a shameless plug, but I have used Brook all my life – from a young service user to an NHS Outreach Worker, to now working full time here. The website has so much information, the e-learning courses are brilliant (many courses are even free) and the live group trainings gave me so much more confidence in delivering RSE! You can also join the Learning Network for free bite-sized learning and tips on teaching RSE.
Our online course, ‘How to Deliver RSE’ will help you teach Relationships and Sex Education that works. Understand the government guidance, learn how to plan and deliver engaging lessons and how to make lessons inclusive.