Learning to love my skin: Milly’s story

Milly, 22, has battled with multiple skin conditions from a very young age, from eczema to acne, she has felt at war with her body. Over this time she has learnt why she has such difficulty with her skin, and what makes her feel more confident in her body. 

I have had what has felt like literally every skin condition imaginable. From the age of two I had eczema and one of my strongest memories from primary school is scratching the scabs under my knees until they bled. 

At the age of twelve my acne suddenly appeared. My dad used to have really bad acne as a teenager and my older sister struggled with her own, so genetically I knew it was likely to happen to me also. Mine was so bad I went to the doctors, but their lack of understanding and knowledge about treating my skin didn’t fill me with much hope. 

I was prescribed every medication under the sun, all the way up to the strongest form of Accutane, an isotretinoin acid that is used to treat severe cases of acne and also prevent certain skin cancers. In the end I couldn’t take Accutane due to the possible detrimental effects on my mental health that can be a side effect of its use.  

It was at this point that I got fed up because nothing was working.  

We even tried dropping down to the lowest doses of medication and steroid creams because the doctors hoped my body might respond differently.  

Eventually at the age of fifteen, I was put on the contraceptive pill to counter some of my acne’s side effects. The problem was that I’d only started my period at 13 or 14 and had no idea whether the changes happening to my body were side effects from the pill or just my body going through those stages of puberty and adolescence. I couldn’t differentiate between what was the pill and what was natural. Looking back, I’m not sure I would have made the same choices about hormonal contraception, both for my acne and my own wellbeing. 

It wasn’t until last year (2021) that my eczema returned quite badly up my neck, alongside full blown cases of skin infections that added to the damage inflicted on my skin. My skin felt very thin and the antibiotic and steroid creams I was using caused this to get worse, because the strengths of these creams tore further through my skin barrier. I used to feel embarrassed going to work because people would ask me if I had been choked, as the scars on my neck looked like hand marks, accompanied by swollen eyes.   

Although these scars began to clear up, my hands are still really bad and have caused most of my problems. I have always liked my hands but with the eczema and irritation they ballooned in size, meaning I could not wear rings or even get my nails done. 

I believe my eczema was becoming more inflamed from my stress levels because when I got home after university the flare ups ceased. With my acne, my skin just likes to flare up randomly, so I always have to be prepared. It still makes me feel rubbish when I can’t cover it up properly.  

Despite the toll it has taken on my self confidence over the years I have become a lot more accepting and kind to myself about it and how I treat my skin. The whole of my teenage years I was jealous of anyone with clear skin and if I could have changed one thing about me it would have been my skin. 

I now know that clear skin is not the be all and end all.  

Just because someone has good skin doesn’t mean they are healthy and just because someone has bad skin does not mean they are unhealthy, so be kind to your skin and don’t comment on other people’s. Don’t let it dictate how you feel about yourself. It is easier said than done and natural to feel less confident but it is important to remember you are doing the most you can. 

The cause of my acne was mainly dehydration. The pain I experienced from my acne was due to the fact my skin barrier was destroyed and the best thing I did was to start using some really moisturising products that protected and healed my skin barrier. 

The way I cope with my skin now is by making my routine simple.  

Overall, there is no pressure to go on any sort of medication or anything that will affect other aspects of your body. Half the time it genuinely comes down to genetics but the silver lining is you learn to take better care of your skin from an earlier age.