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Non-fatal strangulation, more commonly known as choking during sex, is when someone puts pressure on a person’s neck or throat, usually with their hand, to restrict breathing or blood flow. This can be done by another person or by the person themselves.
Sexual choking has been normalised by porn, but there is no safe way to choke someone.
There are many health risks to choking during sex, even if both people have consented.
In the most serious cases, choking can have lasting impacts on the brain, can cause stokes, brain damage or even death. This can happen even with a little pressure for a short time.
If you are worried about yourself or someone else, call emergency services on 999 immediately.
Sexual choking is often shown in porn which can make it seem like this is a normal part of sex. But this is not the case. Sex shown in porn is not true to life. Nothing in sex should be assumed and you should never feel forced to so something you’re uncomfortable with.
Porn rarely shows the conversations people should have about boundaries, comfort and consent before having sex, which can make it seem as though certain behaviours happen without a conversation. In real life, you should always talk about anything new you want to try before sex even starts and during sex you should give and get consent throughout, but particularly when trying something new. However, even if both people consent to sexual choking, it is still unsafe because it can cause serious harm.
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Under the law, someone cannot use consent as a defence if strangulation (choking) or suffocation causes serious harm. This means that even if a person agrees to be choked, the person who does it can still face serious legal consequences if it results in injury.
One of the biggest issues with sexual choking is that you can’t consent once someone has started choking you. You might agree to it beforehand but with your airways restricted and the risk of falling unconscious, you cannot continue to agree to it while being choked. In order for consent to be valid, it needs to be continuous i.e. the person is able to consent in an ongoing way and is able to withdraw their consent at any time.
It is now illegal for porn to show strangulation or suffocation under the Crime and Policing Bill which once it becomes enforceable, should result in a decline in the representation of choking in porn.
You never have to do anything sexual that you don’t want to do. If someone pressures you or makes you feel guilty, they aren’t respecting your boundary and decision. Choking can cause serious harm, you don’t need a reason to say no.
It can feel difficult in the heat of the moment to say no, that’s why it’s best if you want to try anything new that you have these conversations before sex when you’re more likely to give an honest answer and explore your feelings together.
Having a conversation about what kind of things you enjoy during sex can help you have these conversations early, learn more about each other and talk about your reasons why you may not like something the other person likes ahead of time.
You could also practice saying no in a way that feels natural to you, for example you might say “no, that’s not something I’m into/interested in, how about we do X instead?”
If you have previously liked being choked/choking your partner, you are allowed to change your mind and decide that isn’t for you anymore. In the same way, you can change your mind at any point during sex, consent should becontinuous and not a one-off ‘yes’ before sex starts.
If you or someone you know has been choked or strangled during sex, you can seek help from a GP, or from a service like Brook. This is important for your own or the other person’s safety, and you will not be judged for reaching out.
Strangling/choking without consent is a strong warning sign in abusive relationships. If you feel scared, intimidated, or manipulated by your sexual partner, you can find help from domestic abuse charities, such as Refuge, Respect, or Rape Crisis.
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