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Sex, Sexuality, Staying Safe Online

Important things to know about porn

Porn has been around for thousands of years. It’s natural to be curious about sex and porn but it’s also completely normal to not be interested or enjoy porn at all. Whether you do or don’t watch porn, there are some things worth knowing about it.

What is porn?

Pornography, or ‘porn’ for short, refers to explicit images or videos that show sexual activity or sexual images in a way that is designed to make the viewer sexually excited or ‘turned on’. 

Porn has been around for thousands of years, beginning as images of naked people or people engaging in sexual activity carved into cave walls or painted on ancient pottery. 

Being interested in sex and wanting to explore it is natural, so you shouldn’t feel ashamed for wanting to watch porn. But as the internet has made porn more accessible, you may also find you come across it by accident. So, whether you watch porn or have no interest in it at all, it’s worth understanding a bit more.  

Why do people watch porn?

It’s important to remember that everyone’s porn use and likes are different. Some people watch lots of porn, others never watch it.  Even among those that do watch porn, the type of porn they like can be really different.  

To get turned on 

The main reason some people watch porn is to get aroused (turned on), whether that’s by themselves while masturbating or with a partner(s).  

People may also watch porn to: 

  • Learn more about a particular sexual act they’ve heard or read about
  • Discover new things about sex and sexuality 
  • Show off or have a laugh with friends 

By accident 

With so much porn out there it’s possible that you may come across it by accident. You might be searching for factual information about sex, or for something completely unrelated to sex, and a video or image pops up that you weren’t expecting. 

61%

of 11-13 year olds describe their viewing of porn as mostly unintentional

What if I come across porn by accident? 
If you see porn by accident, you should close the browser, especially if it makes you feel uncomfortable.  

You might be confused, worried or upset about what you’ve seen. Talking to a trusted adult that you feel comfortable with can help and give you the chance to ask any questions you might have.   

Pressure from others 

Not everyone likes porn, despite what you might think! And not wanting to watch porn is completely normal.

There are lots of reasons people don’t watch porn. Some people will choose not to watch porn for religious, social, or cultural reasons while for others it might simply be that porn doesn’t do anything for them. Some people prefer other ways of becoming aroused or prefer different types of porn. There are also lots of people that don’t get aroused (turned on) or don’t want to get aroused. For example, people who are asexual or “aces” can feel less of a desire to have sex. You should never feel any pressure to watch porn or to enjoy it. 

Staying safe
When it comes to porn, you should only do or watch what you feel comfortable with. You should never make someone watch porn if they don’t want to. If someone is trying to make you watch porn you and you don’t want to, you can say no.  

What porn do people watch?  

Free porn websites often have lots of categories to choose from you might find that you like different types of porn to what you like in real life when you’re with a sexual partner(s). 

For example, you may be heterosexual (straight) but enjoy watching LGBT+ porn, or vice versa. Or you may enjoy watching certain sexual acts but wouldn’t want to try them yourself.  

It is normal to enjoy things in porn that you wouldn’t when you have sex – your porn use and likes don’t define your sexuality!  

Fetishes and kinks
There are also often categories based on specific things that turn some people on, also known as fetishes and kinks. Although it’s often not spoken about, having a fetish or kink isn’t necessarily problematic – we’re all different and enjoy different things when it comes to sex. 

However, some fetishes or kinks can be harmful. For example, appearance (race, hair colour, body type) and sexuality are often fetishised in porn (made into objects of sexual pleasure and arousal). This can create stereotypes and have real world consequences on how we view, respect and treat other people.  

Some fetishes and kinks are not socially acceptable and sometimes wouldn’t be legal if you were to actually do them. 

There are also things that are illegal in porn and that should never be shown.

What’s missing from porn?

Porn is created for entertainment – the people in it are actors and it’s scripted and planned beforehand. This means that sex in porn is often not true to life.  

You should treat sex in porn as just a story or fantasy that may be very different to how you or others would like to have sex. 

Porn often doesn’t show:  

Consent

Each time you try something new you should give and get consent. Porn doesn’t always show each person agreeing to sex (or different activities) beforehand, so it might seem that they’ve not had a conversation about it. This isn’t true: people acting in porn will have agreed exactly what they will and won’t do in advance.

Porn may also sometimes show people being “persuaded” into sex, or different types of sex. But remember that they are actors acting out a scene. You  should never pressure someone into sex or try to persuade them to do something if they don’t want as this isn’t consent.

More about consent 

Types of sex

There are lots of ways to have sex that don’t feature as often as penetrative (penis in vagina) sex in porn. There are also certain things that are common in porn but these should never be expected when you have sex with someone:

45%

of porn videos show physical aggression such as gagging, choking or slapping, usually towards women

Anal sex is also often common in porn. Occasionally, people might like type of sex but before you try anything, you need to know if your sexual partner(s) enjoys this and if they do, if this is what they want at that time. There are certain things porn ignores about anal sex which are important to understand if you do want to try this.

Condoms and safe sex

You rarely see condoms in porn videos and often see the “pull-out method” (withdrawal) being used. It may seem like the actors in porn are using the “pull-out method” as contraception but this isn’t the case as it’s not an effective way of preventing pregnancy. Instead, they use different contraception methods that aren’t visible and they also test regularly for STIs to make sure they’re having safe sex. Whether you’re using a different contraception method or if you’re not having sex that could end in pregnancy, you still need to use condoms to protect against STIs.   

Other things missing from porn

Real orgasms

Orgasms can be faked, particularly in porn where the pleasure of the woman/person with vagina often features less than the pleasure of the man/person with a penis. Contrary to what porn might show, only 20% of people with vaginas can orgasm from penetrative (penis in vagina sex) alone, most need clitoral stimulation. It’s also quite rare for two people to have an orgasm at the same time.

More about orgasms 

Representative body types

The people in porn often don’t look like most of us. For example, their penis, body hair, or labia might not look like yours. The people in porn may have more muscles or bigger boobs or smaller waists than you but this isn’t an accurate representation of what most people look like and many of these actors have had cosmetic surgery.  

Arousal

The time it takes to become aroused (turned on) is often downplayed in porn and this build up should in itself be enjoyable. 

Lube

You might not see the actors in porn reaching for the lube bottle during sex but that doesn’t mean they don’t use it!

Lube can make penetrative sex more enjoyable by making things more slippery.

Breaks

Porn videos are often edited to make it look like sex goes on for a long time without breaks or multiple sessions. But this isn’t the reality! 

Awkwardness

Sex in porn is planned and scripted to make it appealing and easy to watch. Sex in real life is a lot less smooth and can be clumsy and awkward. There’s often a lot of fumbling, laughter, talking, breaks, body noises. These are all completely normal, whether it’s your first time or hundredth time!  

More about sex and safe sex

When does porn become unhealthy?

Watching porn and having an interest in sex is natural and healthy. However, because porn is so accessible and there are so many different types, it can become unhealthy and have an impact on your self-esteem, relationships, sex life and wellbeing.  

Am I watching too much porn?

Porn use is different for each person. Some people don’t watch it at all, other people might watch more or less than you. It’s less important to focus on the amount or number of times you’re watching it and more on how it’s affecting your life and how you feel about it.  

Questions to ask yourself:  

  • Are you comparing your body and sexual performance to the people in porn? 
  • Are you struggling to become aroused or enjoy intimacy with a sexual partner(s)? 
  • Are you seeking more and more extreme porn to turn you on? 
  • Are you copying things you’ve seen in porn without talking with your sexual partner(s) beforehand and during? 
  • Are you watching porn that disgusts you or goes against what you think is morally right? 
  • Are you experiencing feelings of anxiety or shame?  
  • Is it beginning to take over your thoughts or impacting the time you spend doing other things such as work, hobbies or socialising? 
  • Is it affecting your expectations of sex with your sexual partner(s)?  

More about porn in relationships 

If you answered yes to any of these it might be that you need to get help or limit your porn use.  

How can I avoid porn use becoming unhealthy?  

If you’re worried about your porn use or want to make sure you use porn in a safe, healthy and age-appropriate way, here are some things to consider:  

  • Talk to your friends and sexual partner(s) about porn  
  • Avoid extreme porn – if you find yourself seeking more and more extreme porn to turn you on, it might be time to take a step back  
  • If you usually masturbate with porn, try masturbating without it
  • If you think your porn use is starting to impact your life you could set up internet controls on your phone or computer to limit your access to it 

If you’re over 18 you can buy ethical porn. which is porn that is:  

  • Produced legally 
  • Provides safe working conditions for performers 
  • Respects and celebrates diversity 
  • Made with a female perspective and pleasure in mind  
  • Shows different types of sex 

Get help 

If porn is something that worries you, makes you feel bad about yourself or is harming others, it can be a really positive and important step to reach out for help and support, even if you’ve seen something illegal – The law is designed to protect and help young people, not to get them into trouble.

If you feel comfortable talking to an adult you know about it and how it’s affecting you, that’s great. You can also go to different places and organisations for support including:

Want to know more about porn without having to watch it?
BISH and The Mix have great resources about porn and sex that you can read to understand what porn is and how it is different to sex. 

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