Pornography and relationships

Research shows that, when people in relationships have open and honest discussions about their individual pornography use, it can have positive consequences.  

Talking about your porn use or watching porn together can help you learn more about your partner(s’) likes and dislikes, make your sex life more varied, and may even make general communication easier because of the intimacy that comes from being open. 

Porn can also help if there’s a difference in libido (desire for sex) between you and your partner(s). 

If you’re over 18, watching porn together can have its benefits, however, porn use is still something that many people in relationships argue about. Studies show that if one person in the relationship feels their partner’s porn use is problematic (maybe they feel it is too frequent or worried about the type of porn they are watching) then this can have a negative effect on the relationship and on the self-esteem and self-worth of the person who does not watch porn.

The strongest relationships are built on communication and trust so whether or not you count watching porn as cheating is something that only you and your partner can decide. Just like sexting, or chatting to an ex on social media, each relationship has its own boundaries and mutual agreement on what counts as cheating.

Porn can be part of a healthy relationship if you’ve talked about this together and have honest communication. However, porn can become harmful and can affect relationships if: 

• You watch porn secretly and aren’t open about it with your partner(s)
• If you’re comparing your partner or yourself to the people in porn and letting it affect your expectations of sex with your partner(s) 
• You’re do things with your partner(s) that you’ve seen in porn but haven’t asked them about beforehand
• If your porn use is affecting your sex life – maybe you don’t want to have sex with your partner(s) or you find it difficult to get aroused without porn