Anti-depressants and sex drive: Jasmin’s story 

I would like to preface this by saying the story below is solely my experience, I am in no way expressing that everyone must feel the same as me nor am I assuming that my experience is universal. But if there is one person out there that feels the same or similar to how I do about this situation then this is for you to not feel so alone.  

I have been diagnosed with anxiety for years, I have tried (and often used) all the ‘typical’ techniques; breathing exercises, counselling, you name it. In certain situations these helped, but at a time in my life where I had personal and family issues overwhelming me, I felt that I had lost control of my ability to regulate my emotions. After discussing with a counsellor, I realised I needed something a little extra than talking through my problems. I decided I was going to ask if I would be able to try anti-depressants. In October 2022 I was given Sertraline, an anti-depressant mostly used to deal with anxiety, with the aim to boost levels of serotonin (the happy hormone in your body).  

At first I felt… well, I felt nothing. And although it was terrifying to feel as though your feelings have been numbed, what I was actually feeling was my anxiety reducing. The feeling of constantly feeling on edge or stressed felt lighter, it felt incredibly calming. However, I will admit I would have moments where I would get stuck in a spiral of my emotions and stress more about the fact I felt so numb; I was sad that I felt nothing because everything I had felt before was so intense and I wasn’t used to that being lessened.  

After a few months on sertraline, I noticed a change in myself.

I felt more relaxed and carefree, but also a lack of motivation and hunger. At the time I was single, and being on sertraline helped me feel more confident in myself because I didn’t feel overwhelmed by my anxiety and the need to panic about everything. Instead, I could develop relationships with anyone and just enjoy my 20s at university. Looking back now however, for someone used to constantly overthinking everything, the fact that I was happily having one-night stands and ‘situationships’ makes me feel concerned for how much I fully understood and felt what I was doing. I consented to everything and knew what I was doing, but I just don’t know if I fully realised what this meant for someone who normally would worry about everything.  

Fast forward to May 2023 when I started dating my now boyfriend. We were both open from the get-go about our lives and experiences, and I explained my anxiety and how I take sertraline. (Disclaimer: no, I didn’t feel like I had to tell him it was just in a deep conversation we had one night at like 4am! He is my best friend so I’ve always felt comfortable being completely open and honest with him.) He’s been completely understanding (as he should) and helpful whenever I’ve needed him and whenever I’ve felt overwhelmed or upset that I feel nothing.  

For some, a side effect of taking sertraline is a lower sex drive, and that has definitely been my experience. This was bizarre for me as I had a higher sex drive before being on this medication, and understanding the lower feeling of desire was an interesting transition. 

There’s a common saying that “you’ve left the honeymoon stage”, which is when you don’t feel like you have to have sex with each other 24/7 (if you do, then I love that for you, no judgement and no disrespect intended). As society implies, yes, we’ve left the socially constructed “honeymoon stage” but it has always been difficult for me to be “in the mood” since being on sertraline. I love my boyfriend, I find him very attractive and my better half, but that doesn’t stop my body from finding it difficult to want sex or to continue wanting it when it’s been initiated.  

I have been honest with my boyfriend, which he completely understands, and we discuss it often as I want to make sure he knows it’s not a him problem.

But in actual fact, it’s no one’s problem, it’s no one’s fault, it’s just hormones and bodies.  

Importantly, never has my boyfriend or my own brain forced myself into having sex when I’m not in the mood, I’m just explaining how I have felt when I have that internal, mental battle between understanding sertraline and understanding my body.  

When you know you want to have sex but your brain is just not cooperating, it can be really challenging trying to decipher how to manage the use of sertraline. (If you have ever felt this way just remember you’re not alone and you are not the problem). I have debated dropping my dose just to manage the lack of feeling whenever I know I want to have sex but my body just doesn’t seem completely ‘in it’. But for me, I think with time, understanding and open discussions with your partner, you can begin to grasp what your body wants, and how to recognise what you feel in that moment. Another idea might be discussing with doctors about how you feel and whether dropping the dosage would help you. 

I’m continuing to understand my new hormones and body, being honest with myself and my feelings, and if I need to speak to a doctor I will. I feel that this is an area not always discussed publicly, so I wanted to express my experience for those who have felt the same, or for those who just want to understand how mental health medication can sometimes affect relationships.