How to turn your rage about the cornell 7 into productive conversations

When a story like the Cornell case dominates the news, it’s understandable to feel angry, shocked, and unsure what to do with those emotions. As Education Manager, Rosie Burridge has spent over five years talking to young people and professionals about sexual health, sexual violence, consent and bystander intervention. In this blog, she shares how we can channel our rage into productive conversations that challenge harmful attitudes and help create safer communities.

Firstly, I want to clarify that rage is a perfectly reasonable emotion, it’s one I’ve been reeling with while being confronted with post after post on my social media about the horrendous incident at Cornell in 2024. Rage at the perpetrators, rage at the system that led them to believe this was acceptable behaviour, and rage at the people who were supposed to protect and support Jane Doe after the incident happened, who massively failed in their duty.

The scary thing is that this isn’t an unusual occurrence at home or abroad. An Office for Students report found that around one in seven (14.1 per cent) final-year undergraduates who responded to the survey have experienced sexual assault/violence since starting their studies.

What upsets me most, as with lots of other people, is that there were 50 other men in that group chat who said or did nothing. Not one of them realised it was their responsibility to go and protect that woman, or call the police, or even send a message to tell them to stop. It’s scary when you’re forced to confront the number of people who were able to help and did nothing.

Even small things that disrespect women add up to build a culture where horrible things like this get brushed off with little consequence. That’s why we must continue to talk about how gender stereotypes and misogyny affect women & girls’ safety and their freedom to make their own choices.

Talking to people in your life about these issues is really important and has been shown to have a real difference in changing attitudes.

Learning about the the bystander effect and the 5 Ds (direct, distract, delegate, delay, disapprove) can also help people feel more empowered if they have an opportunity to step in and help someone in need. However, these can be tough conversations to approach, especially in a professional capacity, so I have included some of my tips from my time delivering education sessions below.

Call in rather than call out

If someone makes a comment that concerns you or perpetuates gender norms, call them into a conversation. Something like “what makes you say that” or “that’s really interesting- where did you hear that” opens a conversation where you are able to help them slowly unpick gender norms and question their assumptions.

Use positive examples rather than personal experience

Instead of personal experience, think of examples in media or in everyday life rather than things that are personal to you or them. For example, using positive role models or examples from a popular TV show.

Be calm

These can be emotive topics and when it feels personal it can be hard to not get irritated, but I find that it helps to try to come to it as a conversation instead of a debate. I want to understand where the other person is coming from and if they feel like I’m properly listening to them then they also might be more likely to listen to me!

Find common ground

Try to look for something they said that you agree with then use that as a way to connect with them through your conversation.

Little and often

It’s unrealistic to expect that we’re going to be able to untangle centuries of gendered expectations in one conversation, so setting yourself up to have a huge impact in one go is just going to make you feel like you’ve failed when you haven’t. Try to remember that you’re just helping someone slightly further along. Maybe you get them to watch a positive male role model’s YouTube video, or you send them away still thinking about how their “joke” impacts other people. These changes in gendered assumptions can take time!

Self care

Self care is really important when big news stories like this seem to take over your entire feed, especially when there’s the potential for them to be retraumatising. I felt like I couldn’t really condense what I wanted to say about the current situation into an understandable thought, but talking it through with friends helped me to process my feelings so I could get to a point where I felt like I could be useful.

You could also go for a walk or take an exercise class if you’re struggling with excess energy from the emotion of it all.

When the issues of misogyny and rape culture feel overwhelming, as they often do for me, giving back to your community can be a way to feel you’re making a tangible impact. You can volunteer at your local rape crisis centre or for a survivor’s helpline, alternatively if you can afford it, you can donate to a women’s shelter or another organisation that supports survivors’ recovery such as Rape Crisis.