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In this blog, Alice Hoddinott, Brook’s Media and Communications Coordinator, talks about why we shouldn’t be using the cup of tea consent video in 2026.
If you work in education, you’ve likely heard of it or maybe even used it. The tea video came out in 2015 and has had almost 10 million videos on YouTube. It’s a simple 3-minute video that uses drinking tea as a metaphor for sexual consent. It covers concepts such as:
The resource has been widely used by professionals to help explain consent to young people for over a decade and it covers lots of core concepts with light humour in a short space of time.
However, how we talk about consent in 2026 is much more nuanced and complex than it was back in 2015, which means the tea video isn’t as helpful a resource as it once was.
The video says:
“If you say “hey, would you like a cup of tea?” and they’re like “um I’m not really sure…” then you can make them a cup of tea or not, but be aware that they might not drink it.”
Why it’s wrong:
If someone says they are unsure, the advice should always be, don’t do the action.
If we were to change this scenario to be about kissing, it implies if someone says ‘no’ to a kiss, you can start kissing them anyway. You should just be aware they might not kiss you back – this is not consensual.
The video described:
A scenario where Person B initially says yes to person A, but by the time Person A arrives, person B has changed their mind. The response:
“Sure, that’s kind of annoying as you’ve gone to all the effort of making the tea, but they remain under no obligation to drink the tea.”
No one should ever be annoyed at someone for changing their mind. Withdrawal of consent or rejection should always be met with understanding whereas the video implies an entitlement to a “yes.”
A large part of the tea video focuses on not making tea for someone who is unconscious which is important. But other contexts where consent can’t legally be given are missed, for example:
“If you can understand how completely ludicrous it is to force people to have tea when they don’t want tea, and you are able to understand when people don’t want tea, then how hard is it to understand it when it comes to sex?”
This message is an oversimplification and reduces consent down to “no means no” when actually consent is more complex than this.
Whilst using force is definitely non-consensual, it isn’t the only way an act can be non-consensual and it’s important young people understand this.
One thing the tea video avoids is giving any advice about how to actually practice consent.
It’s one thing to understand that consent should be present throughout sex, and another to have the correct skills and communication methods to ensure it actually is.
This is why the tea video is a bit of an inside joke amongst young people – they understand the theory, it’s the practice they need more support with.
When it comes down to it, is “consent as simple as tea”? Not at all!
Looking at consent on a legal, theoretical and practical level is really important for equipping young people with the tools they need to practice consent safely.
Brook’s RSE For All lesson pack is a series of nine SEND and autism inclusive lessons. You can access a free taster lesson on Consent for Year 9.
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