Adoption

For some deciding to place a child for adoption a simple one that is quick to make. Other people find it more difficult, and may wonder if they are doing the right thing.

There might be lots of reasons why someone chooses to have their child adopted:

• Some people might not have supportive families to help out with childcare
• Some people know they couldn’t raise a child by themselves
• Some families believe it is not right for people who are unmarried to bring up a child
• Some people might choose adoption because they are against abortion, but do not wish to become a parent.

There is no shame in deciding to have a child adopted. It’s got to be your decision, but if you know it’s the right one for you, then that is what matters.

First, make sure that you’ve thought about all your choices and take as long as you need. Once you have made up your mind that adoption is the right option for you, it is a good idea to talk to an expert who can give you advice as soon as possible. You can get this advice from:

• Social workers from the social services department (or social work department in Scotland) of your local authority
• A voluntary adoption agency
• Hospital social workers who work with maternity clinics

After you’ve made contact, a social worker will spend some time with you to help you with your decision. The social worker will try to balance your best interests with the best interests of your child. Social workers are there to help, but if for whatever reason you are worried or not sure about any aspect of the adoption process, you can contact other organisations for support.

You will be asked to give a bit of personal information about yourself, your family and your family’s health. This is for the adoptive parents to be able to share with the child later on.

However, although preparations for the adoption can begin before your child is born, nothing will be arranged for certain until after the birth. You will be completely free to change your mind, even after the birth.

There’s no doubt that it can be hard to tell people, whether strangers, or people close to you, that you are going to place your child for adoption. It’s up to you to decide how much you want to tell other people. Remember, if anyone says anything that makes you feel bad, that it’s your decision, not theirs. You are doing what you think is right for you and for your baby.

Most people know someone who has been adopted, so most people will understand that it’s a very personal decision, and that adoption is almost always done for the child’s best interests. Whatever decision you make, it does not make you a bad person, no matter what anyone else might say!

Adoptions are arranged by adoption agencies but are made legal by the courts. Once granted, an adoption order is final and cannot be undone. It ends the legal relationship between the child and the birth parents and establishes a new one with the adoptive parents.

An adoption order would mean that you were no longer the legal mother or father of the baby. A new family would become the baby’s parents. Your child will take someone else’s surname and assume the same rights and privileges as if they had been born to them.

To protect the child, all adoptions must be arranged by an approved adoption agency, which can make full enquiries about the new parents, unless your child is to be adopted by a close relative. All adoptions must be agreed by the courts.

There are so many people who want to adopt a baby that it should be possible to find an excellent home for your child. The social worker will discuss with you the kind of family you want your child to grow up in.

Everyone who wants to adopt a child has to go through a lot of interviews and checks, to make sure that they will be able to provide a safe and happy home. It’s a long process, and not one that anyone goes through without being really sure they want to be a parent. So you can be sure that whoever your child is placed with will be committed to being the best possible parent and caregiver they can be.

You should talk to the social worker about the possibility of meeting the family (if you want to), or about other sorts of contact such as exchanging letters. The adoption agency should take into account how much contact you’d like when deciding on a placement for your child, and choose adoptive parents who are happy to provide the level of contact you’d like. This can be regular letters and visits, or no contact at all, or anything in between. Depending on your circumstances, a court might have to agree the contact level that will be allowed, to make sure your baby’s best interests are looked after. You can talk to your social worker for more information.

When you leave hospital after the birth your baby may be looked after by a temporary foster carer or may possibly go straight to their adoptive parents.

Your social worker will have discussed this and agreed with you what the best plan is. Your social worker will make regular visits to check everything is going well and offer support.

When the baby has settled down with his or her adoptive parents, they will make an application to the court. The court will then arrange for you to be visited by someone who will make sure that you understand what adoption involves. You will be asked to sign a formal document. You cannot give this formal agreement until the baby is at least six weeks old.

The agency will have to provide a report to the court about how the child is settling in, and if the court is satisfied that all is well then an adoption order will be granted. The baby has to live with the adoptive parents for 10 weeks before the adopters can apply to the court for an adoption order.

What happens if you change your mind depends on when in the adoption process you are

It’s really important you think it through and are sure this is the right choice for you and the baby. If you’re having doubts it’s best to raise them and talk to someone as soon as possible, the sooner you raise it , the easier it will be for you to get your baby back.

Adoption can sometimes involve continuing contact between the birth parents and the adoptive family, either face to face or by letter.

The agency will usually try to find a family for your child who are happy with having the sort of contact that you would like, as long as this is also in your child’s best interests.

In some situations, people’s children are placed for adoption not because they have chosen it, but because they are not able to care for them – this is different to an adoption which has been arranged, which is the pregnant person’s choice.

After placing a child for adoption, you might feel anything from relief to sadness to guilt, or a mix of lots of different emotions. Try and remember the reasons why you made the decision that you did.

Immediately after giving birth, it’s quite usual to feel really strong emotions, whether or not you are placing your baby for adoption or not, so give yourself some time to let your feelings settle down. Some people who’ve just given birth also get something called post natal depression. If you think you might be experiencing post natal depression, talk to a midwife, nurse, doctor or counsellor as soon as you can – help is available, and you deserve support just as much as anyone else does.

Remember that deciding to place a baby for adoption can be a really positive choice, if it’s what’s right for you and what’s right for the baby. It’s not for everyone, but if it’s what you think is right, then there’s no need to feel ashamed or like you’re a failure – you’re really, really not!