Building Connection: Relationships that Young People Can Come Back to  

In this blog for Sexual Health Week, Fatima from Brook’s 20-24 Participation Advisory Group explores how parents and carers can build meaningful connections with their young people based on their own experiences. 

Connection with young people isn’t built from one big conversation about sex, puberty, or relationships. It’s built through meaningful interactions with them and through the little ways you listen, respond, and interact during everyday conversations. When a young person recognises that they have a non-judgmental and supportive relationship they can keep returning to, it can make starting conversations and sharing experiences easier. This can include sensitive topics such as relationships, sexual health, boundaries, or even something they may have come across online. The focus for parents and carers in these instances isn’t necessarily having “perfect” solutions or knowing exactly what to advise, but on providing the space for such conversations to continue.  

But how do you provide those safe spaces for meaningful connection with your child? 

1. Taking Time For Connection 

From conversations I’ve had with friends and people my age, I’ve noticed how some of the things we end up remembering the most about our interactions with our parents aren’t the grand big things, but the everyday moments in which they made space for us. I think these moments make it easier for us to approach them when the need arises.  

Spending time on hobbies, shared interests, or even ensuring your child has your undivided attention can help make them feel seen and heard. A top tip: set aside technology during quality time- no phones or devices, just you, your child, and a plate of biscuits or an activity. 

Shared activities or hobbies such as gardening, working out, painting, or anything else you have in common can help create space for growth and curiosity instead of making every interaction feel like a serious, high-stakes conversation. They might not open up immediately, but consistently showing that you are available, empathetic, and interested in their lives, especially when they begin to navigate new experiences including puberty and relationships, will help build that kind of relationship.  

2. Listening without Judgement 

When young people wish to express experiences that may be embarrassing, difficult to explain, or that may have disciplinary consequences, they need a space where they can say what they think without automatically being dismissed, judged, or disciplined. Reflective and active listening can help us understand before responding. This does not mean that you have to agree with what they say, but it allows them the chance to be heard first before you explore it with them.  

A young person who has continuously experienced anger, ridicule or discipline may be less likely to turn to a parent/carer when a difficult situation arises. While “you can always come to us with anything” is a phrase generously offered, it needs to be actualised through everyday interactions as well. This could include listening without interruption, responding calmly even when they share something that may be difficult to hear as a parent, and asking questions to understand their perspective rather than making assumptions. Young people then learn whether the phrase “you can always come to us” holds true when they come forward with a concern and are met with either a positive or negative reaction, which sets the tone for the relationship.  

3. Parents Make Mistakes Too 

You don’t have to have it all figured out! Young people often experience moments of connection when they see that their parents/carers make mistakes and recognise them. Taking accountability, offering an apology, or changing your approach shows them you care and also models healthy behaviours for them when they are building connections with others.  

Doing this can also lessen the power imbalance between you and put you on equal footing in the relationship.  

This can be especially important during conversations about sexual health and relationships. If you’ve expressed discomfort or awkwardness in the past, or focused too much on providing advice where empathy may have been requiredinstead, you can learn to move past them. It’s also okay to admit to not having sufficient information about sexual health and relationships (you’re only human after all!) – this is a great way to work together with your young person to find accurate information and resources. Who knows, this might even strengthen your connection too!  

4. Letting Trust Grow as Young People Evolve 

As children grow, the role of parents needs to evolve as well. By providing guidance and a space they can always turn to, while recognising that they too are individuals with their own boundaries and identity, is really important. To me, understanding that trust works both ways is a big part of building connection. As young people, we are already learning to navigate new situations every day, and having our own boundaries respected can show us what a healthy relationship looks like in practice.  

Connection also does not mean that parents and carers need to know everything about their child’s life. Your relationship with your young person needs to evolve to accommodate their growing autonomy and privacy, especially as they set out to navigate complex relationships and social experiences. It is natural to want safety for your young person, but that does not mean monitoring everything they do. They need their own space to navigate consent, boundaries, their understanding of sexual health, and self-identity.

If they know they have a safe space to turn to, they may be more likely to initiate these conversations with you.