How to prepare for awkward conversations about sex and relationships

For #SHW24, we’re exploring the links between sexual health and mental health. In this blog, Bethany Frost uses her experience as a parent, teacher, and Brook Education and Wellbeing Specialist to explain why talking to your young people about sexual health supports their mental health. 

Picture this. You have had a busy day at work, and the kids have had an action-packed day at school. You all sit down at the dinner table to eat your evening meal when one of the children asks: 

“What is a condom?”.  

Are you prepared to give the answer in full? Do you try to distract the child and hurry to change the subject? Or do you panic and say, we don’t talk about things like that and sit in an awkward silence, feeling embarrassed? 

For some parents and teachers, it can be really difficult to talk about subjects relating to Relationships and Sex Education (RSE) due to a number of factors, such as our own childhood experiences or the fear of getting it wrong.

So, this blog is a little encouragement and advice from me to you on how you can approach these conversations.  

It has been widely researched that talking to our children and young people about RSE can not only have social and economic benefits, but also benefits for mental health and wellbeing. Not only this, but there is evidence to suggest that the impact on quality sex education can also improve school success and safety.  

As parents and professionals working with children and young people, we want to do all we can to safeguard our young people. We want them to do well at school and prioritise their mental health and wellbeing. My advice? Have the awkward conversation! Tell them what a condom does. Give them advice on how to support their friend going through a hard time.

Having these conversations with your young people is one of the ways you can protect them.

Ensure that they are getting quality, factual information from someone who cares about them, and not just a regurgitated half-truth that Sally in Y10 heard from her best friend’s cousin’s mam’s sister. You get the point.  

I remember being a student in secondary school and it seemed to be that misconceptions surrounding RSE were gospel truths. I’m sure you can relate. For example, I remember hearing that it is impossible to get pregnant if you have sex in a hot tub. Not true! But if you’d have asked 15-year-old me, I would have told you that was the best contraceptive method and I would have wholeheartedly believed it.  

And although young people may express that ‘they know it all’ – this is not the case. I know this from my own experience as a teacher. For example, the ‘pull out method’: I have hundreds of students tell me that this method is an effective form of contraception. This, of course, is not true!  

And you may be reading this thinking how do I talk to my child about this stuff? What if they ask me something and I don’t know the answer? What if I’m worried for my young persons’ mental health? How do I approach it? 

Don’t panic! You do not have to be an expert!  

Take time to research together. I would recommend looking on the Brook website (obviously) for quality information, but you can also look at the NHS website or the NSPCC website. The Brook website has sections for parents/carers and professionals that includes training in how to approach the conversation of RSE with children and young people whilst helping to dispel myths and misinformation. Check it out!  

There are also printable handouts that cover a range of subjects relating to RSE which are very handy to refer to, when those tricky questions are asked. And if you’re anything like me, get some of them laminated and create a PSHE display board. Make sure you tag Brook on social media – we’d love to see your creations! 

Finally, create an open environment for your young people to ask questions. Ensure you create a time and space for your young people to talk to you about RSE and mental health and wellbeing at a time that works for both of you.  

Some ideas for parents/carers: Arrange to walk the dog together and ask them for a life update. Ask them what is going on at school. Ask them how their friends are. Talk to them about looking after their mental health. Just showing a genuine interest in their life can be a great first step. One person washing the dishes whilst the other one dries is also a great opportunity for conversation! Or go out for a coffee every now and again and keep the conversation going. I have 2 siblings that are 12 years and 8 years older than me, so I can appreciate that parents may not want to discuss the matter of Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STIs) with their 15-year-old whilst their 3-year-old is sat opposite tucking into their turkey dinosaurs. So, with this in mind, it might be a good idea to venture out occasionally.  

And for teachers and other professionals: Be approachable, put aside time in your day, or organise one lunchtime a week where children and young people can pop in and ask any questions they may have. In my sessions, I like to give students a post-it note and pen for them to write their questions down. This way, I can answer all the questions without anyone getting singled out and if there is a question that stumps me, we can explore it together by looking at the Brook website and other credible sources. 

I know it can sometimes feel awkward or embarrassing but if you’re passionate about making sure your children and young people are living their best lives, then I urge you: have the conversation, keep it open and watch your young people thrive.