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Stereotypical masculinity can be harmful for boys and men, but where do these ideas come from and how can we change them?
We get ideas about gender stereotypes from many different places including:
One of the key ways ideas about masculinity is reinforced today is through social media. In social media there exists something called the manosphere which refers to a range of websites, blogs, and online forums that promote stereotyped versions of masculinity, misogyny, and opposition to feminism.
The manosphere can be appealing, particularly if you’re not feeling good about yourself, are spending lots of time online and lacking connection or a community. For example, a harmful online community may express prejudice under the idea of building a community or aiming for a certain goal. It might promise success as long as you follow the rules or leader of the group. It usually provides clear answers that blame specific types of people. In the case of misogyny, it will usually blame women for men’s problems. This fosters a false sense of community by creating an ‘Us vs. Them’ and a sense of being superior over others.
If over time you see more and more misogynistic content, this can begin to affect the way you view the world and the way you view women.
misogyny and incel culture
Misogyny is a hatred or dislike of women and girls. It often involves sexism, aggression, viewing women and inferior to men and reducing women and girls to their bodies or their appearance.
Part of the manosphere is incel culture. This is an online community of men who say they are unable to get a romantic or sexual partner and they blame women. Incel culture often includes misogynistic hate speech against women and is a way in which young people can be unintentionally radicalised into developing very harmful or even extreme views.
It’s normal to want a relationship and/or sex, and yes it can be frustrating if you are struggling to find someone you connect with. BUT…
Life’s not fun if you make someone else/a group of people responsible for your happiness.
Gender stereotypes are just ideas. While they exist, we can challenge them, and over time we have the power to get rid of them completely.
There are things we can do to avoid being taken in by some of the unhelpful and harmful ideas about masculinity in the manosphere:
Ideas about masculinity are entirely unique to you. What you see as important and aspirational, someone else might not. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be strong or brave or successful – but recognising that these aren’t the only options can be empowering and freeing.
To be a man is also to be a human. So it might be helpful to think about what it means to be a good human rather than a man. Although our gender identity is an important part of who we are, we are also more than our gender. We have friends, family, passions and interests, and all these things will influence who we are and who we want to be.
So don’t feel limited to masculine traits – You can choose any traits, not just those that are stereotypically associated with your gender. Feel proud of who you are – a unique individual – without trying to conform to a limited stereotype.
Not everything you see online is true. If you come across content that makes you question something, it can help to talk to someone you know about what you’ve seen.
If something makes you feel good, or less bad, about yourself by blaming or putting other people down, it can be tempting to be sucked in by the idea. Try to work out if you like the idea because of how it makes you feel or if you actually think it’s true.
Although social media will often show you things that you haven’t asked to see, you are in control of the content you consume. If you see a post or TikTok that is misogynistic, you can report it or say you’re not interested in this content so the algorithm won’t show you this content anymore.
Follow people and accounts that make you feel good about who you are and unfollow accounts where you find yourself comparing them to yourself. Instead, look for positive role models that perhaps don’t fit the stereotypical masculinity.
Being an active bystander is about responding to harmful behaviour- it can apply online and offline and doesn’t mean you have to directly confront the person if you don’t feel comfortable with it.
For example, if you see someone promoting abusive or misogynistic content online, you could:
Being an active bystander isn’t always possible
If you need to step away, prioritise your own mental health then don’t feel that you have to get involved. You can always choose not to be an active bystander.
If you spend lots of time online, it can affect what you think and the way you think. For example, you might see lots of muscly, attractive men on social media but walking around town you’ll notice that most people don’t look like that.
The internet and social media can be great ways to meet like-minded people but be aware of the types of circles you might be socialising in online and offline. Think about what their values are and if they’re values you share. You could also find community and new friends in clubs and hobbies outside of the online world.
And always take a break from social media if you feel you need to!
Each time you tell someone to “man up” or laugh at a friend for being emotional, you are reinforcing the stereotype of masculinity.
On the other hand, each time you open up to friends about how you’re feeling, stick up for someone being bullied or tell a friend that “that’s not cool” when they make inappropriate comments, you are showing that you shouldn’t be afraid to be yourself. You might notice that showing yourself and accepting yourself as you are helps others do the same.
If you’re feeling the pressure to match up to an ideal masculinity that just isn’t possible, it’s likely your friends will be feeling this too. Talking about how you deal with these pressures and how you can support one another can be really helpful to know you’re not alone in feeling this way.
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Explore more about rethinking masculinity on the Beyond Equality website
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