Healthy lives for young people
Sex

Premature ejaculation (coming too soon)

Premature ejaculation is when a male ejaculates (comes) before he or his partner would like. Younger men who are sexually inexperienced usually don’t last this long because the excitement is all too much. This is very normal and with experience and age you can learn to have more control.

The question of ‘how long should sex last for’ is a bit tricky to answer, as it’ll depend on what each partner wants out of sex. Sex isn’t just about penetration or orgasms, but there are plenty other parts of sexual experience to enjoy.

If you find this happening a lot and you or your partner are unhappy about it, you may want to make an appointment to see a doctor at a sexual health clinic such as Brook, because there are ways to help reduce this.

How can I stop coming too soon?

There are a couple different things you can use to help delay ejaculation. The most important part of learning is control is recognising the signs your body is giving you that you are about to come.

Try to feel less worried during sex because the more worried you are the more likely you are to come quickly. Try paying attention during sex or when masturbating at the feelings in your body when you’re about to come.

Most men start to speed up when it becomes more enjoyable, but a lot of the time this makes the orgasm happen quicker. Try slowing down if you feel you are getting close to coming.

If you feel you are close, you can even withdraw the penis and do other things like give your partner oral sex or kiss for a while instead. Other suggestions are:

The Stop-start technique

This technique helps you recognise the feelings you have just before you ejaculate and helps you learn how to slow down and decrease the stimulation on your penis. You can try this technique with your partner or alone.

  1. Start off by stimulating your penis however you like (by penetrative sex, oral sex, masturbation, whatever)
  2. Focus on how your body is feeling and the feelings in your penis. When you become very aroused, stop whatever it is that you are doing. When you feel like your arousal level has gone down a bit, begin stimulating your penis again
  3. Repeat this start-stop method a couple more times, and on the final time continue until you come
  4. Practising this exercise several times per week can help you learn the signals that you’re going to come. You can then learn to slow down or reduce the stimulation on your penis to delay coming
  5. With practise and over time, it can help you build up more control. It can take several weeks or months of practise to start to see the effects.

The Squeeze technique

This is like the stop-start technique in that when you feel very aroused, you stop whatever it is that you are doing. With the squeeze technique, you or your partner firmly squeezes your penis just under the head using the thumb and forefinger. Don’t squeeze too hard so it hurts.  The squeezing decreases the good sensations you were feeling.

Other tips

Try taking deep breaths (this can help shut down the reflex that creates ejaculation). Also, try a sexual position that feels less arousing.

The good news is that the ability to control erections and ejaculation usually gets better with experience and age.

If you want more information on dealing with erection problems, a good book is: ‘Overcoming sexual problems’ by Vicki Ford.

You could also visit a sexual health clinic such as Brook for more information.

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