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After the Date

Here are some tips for dealing with rejection and ghosting and how to arrange a second date or let someone down nicely

I’m unsure if I want to see them again

It can be hard to work out if you want to see someone again. You might’ve had a great time but you don’t have much in common or you’re not sure they are what you’re looking for. Here are some things to think about…

Sleep on it

You don’t have to decide straight after a date if you want to meet for a second one. It might be useful to think about it some more and decide the next day instead.

Reflect on the date

It’s useful to ask yourself some questions about the date:

  • Do you feel excited about going on another date with them?
  • Did you enjoy spending time with them?
  • Did you feel comfortable and safe in their company?
  • Would a second date help you to understand them better?

First dates aren’t perfect and can be awkward but you should still enjoy it!

Check your expectations and what you’re looking for

If you feel unsure about someone it might be because they’re not quite what you’re looking for or what you were expecting. It’s helpful to think about whether these traits/characteristics are something you would like or something you couldn’t live without. For example, having the same music tastes may not be as important as sharing the same morals.

Allow yourself to change your mind

You may have agreed to a second date before you had time to think it through but you are allowed to change your mind. If you decide afterwards that you’re not interested in a second date then you’ll be saving your time and their time. Be polite and explain how you feel.

Don’t ghost

If you’re unsure whether you want to meet them again, it can be tempting to not reply to the person while you think things through. If you decide you don’t want a second date it can be easier to just never respond to their message. Ghosting isn’t nice, particularly if you’ve met someone in person as the other person is left not knowing where they stand. If you’re unsure, take time to think it through but try not to leave them hanging.

I want to see them again 

If you had a good first date and want to see them again, it’s a good idea to let them know after the date so you both know where you stand. When and how you do this is completely up to you although most people choose to do this over text/dating app so the other person feels less pressure to agree to another date and can respond in their own time and when they know for sure.  

Example texts:

“I had a great time today, do you fancy doing something again soon?”

“I really enjoyed meeting you and I’d be keen to meet up again if you are too?”

“I’d love to meet you again, when are you free next?”

What if they don’t want to go on a second date?
Rejection can be hard but you have to respect that they might not share your feelings. Hopefully, they will politely turn down your offer but they may also choose not to reply. This is called ghosting and it’s not nice, particularly if you’ve met in person.   

I don’t want to see them again  

If someone’s not for you then it’s always good to communicate this to them. If you’ve met up in person, sending a message on the day of the date or the next day to let them know is the respectful and honest thing to do. It can feel awkward and cliqued but all it takes is one simple message. 

How to let someone down nicely:

Try to be as clear as possible

If you know you don’t want to meet up again don’t make it sound like there might be a chance.

Be honest but not critical

It’s important that you’re clear but you don’t need to tell them the reason why you don’t want to meet them again unless it’s something to do with your situation. No one needs to hear negative comments about themselves.

Don’t put it off

The sooner you tell them, the better. It’s not nice not knowing where you stand.

Don’t wait for them to message first

Rejection can be hard but it’s worse if you put yourself out there only to get turned down. If you know you don’t want another date, don’t wait for them to ask you on a second date, it’s simpler and much nicer to let them know first.

“Thanks for today it was great but I don’t think it’s going to work out. I wish you all the best.”

“You seem like a great person but I feel that we’re after different things. All the best”

“I had a really nice time but I’m not sure we’re fully compatible.”

You might feel disheartened if you had high hopes that they might’ve been a good match for you and you may feel that you have less energy or motivation to talk to new people and go on more dates. If you feel that it’s affected your energy or motivation it’s better to pause the apps or delete them, have a recharge and come back to them when you’re ready.

How to deal with rejection and ghosting? 

It can be a knock to your confidence when someone turns you down or never replies to your message (ghosting).


You might be upset by being rejected and you might be tempting to take out your frustration and hurt on the person who rejected you, but this is unlikely to help. They’ve done the honest thing and let you know where you stand rather than stringing you along or letting you think it could have a future. Having said this, you don’t owe them a response if you don’t want to.

How to deal with rejection

Don’t blame yourself

Rejection is a part of life. Not everyone will like you and that’s okay. Allow yourself to feel upset but don’t dwell on it or assume that because this one person didn’t want to go on a second date that no one will. You might feel like asking why they didn’t want to go on a second date but you’re unlikely to get an honest answer or you might get an answer that will hurt.

Get validation from other parts of your life

Make sure you’re not putting too much importance on what people on dating apps think of you. It’s normal to enjoy attention and being liked so when someone doesn’t it can really hurt. But what you, and those closest to you, think of you is more important than what people you’ve just met or only spoken to online think of you. Arrange to spend time with your friends and talk to them about how you feel.

Focus on the positives

If the other person doesn’t want to see you again it doesn’t mean it was a waste of your time. There are lots of things you probably got from meeting them:

  • You put yourself out there and might’ve gained more confidence
  • You met someone new and learnt more about different people
  • You learnt more about what you are/aren’t looking for
Take a break if you need to

Dating can be exhausting particularly after someone has turned you down. You may feel that you want to go on more dates or talk to more people to make yourself feel better after being rejected but it’s better to seek validation elsewhere.


  • It happends to everyone
  • Remember that it’s not about you- people have hundreds of other things going on in their lives that you don’t know about. You’re unlikely to ever know why they chose to just disappear but it never means that you are less worthy.  
  • It says more about them and their lack of communication and consideration than it does about you – if their communication is bad at this stage, it isn’t likely to get any better in a relationship! 
  • They might not have given you closure but you can give it to yourself – no message is still a message, delete and unmatch with them.
  • If you’re unsure what happened, you can try and reach out to them but don’t be surprised if you don’t get a response and be ready to give yourself closure. 
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