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Casual relationships can take lots of different forms, but generally they are relationships with less commitment or that are seen as ‘less serious’ than an exclusive romantic relationship.
Dating, meeting new people and going on dates, without an expectation or desire for a committed relationship is called casual dating. This may or may not involve sex or ‘one night stands’.
Some people don’t want any kind of relationship and are purely looking for sex and physical intimacy and nothing more. This type of relationship is often called ‘friends with benefits’, ‘sex buddies’ or ‘sneaky links’. Sometimes people choose to have a sexual relationship with someone they know well but have no romantic feelings for. Other times, they might never see each other outside of when they meet up for sex.
Relationships based on sex look different for everyone, but they might involve:
You should always make sure that at least one friend knows about your casual relationship so you are safe and supported. It’s important for all relationships to have someone to talk to about your feelings that isn’t involved in the relationship itself. Friends can often notice sooner than you when something isn’t working or if you’re unhappy. More about how friends can support each other in unhealthy relationships
Sometimes people have a relationship that goes beyond sex but isn’t committed, official or exclusive, this grey area is often referred to as a ‘situationship’.
Situationships look different for everyone- sometimes people choose them, sometimes they just fall into one out of convenience, but other times people might find themselves in one when they actually want more.
What might situationships look like?
Casual relationships may have less commitment, expectations and labels attached to them but there are certain things that are necessary for them to work.
Be honest and up front about what you want when you meet someone – even before the first date. Explain your reasons for wanting a casual relationship and what a casual relationship looks like for you. If you’re on dating apps then look for people that are after the same thing as you (often they have this as an option to add to your profile so you’re more likely to only match with those that are on the same page).
You need to make sure you both know where you stand with each other and where, if anywhere, that the relationship is going. It’s really important that you’ve spoken about whether or not you’re seeing other people at the same time, particularly before you have sex. Not only is this important in knowing the boundaries of your relationship but also means you can both take steps to protect yourselves from STIs and unwanted pregnancy. If you’re having sex with other people make sure:
There should always be clear communication around when and where you’re meeting and, as with any sexual relationship, you should always talk about consent and pleasure and take an interest in understanding what the other person likes.
Although there is less commitment in casual relationships, you always owe the other person respect. You shouldn’t string the other person along or make false promises just because you like what you have with them and don’t want them to end things. You should also value the other person’s time and avoid cancelling or changing plans last minute.
Some casual relationships are purely physical while others look similar to a committed relationship but without the label. It’s possible that if you are spending a lot of time together, you might develop an attachment to them. If you know there’s nothing there romantically between you or you know there’s no future, it’s best to set the boundaries of the relationship so you both know where you stand.
Everyone has a different relationship with sex. Some people find it difficult to have sex without catching feelings, while for other people it’s easy to have sex without wanting more. There are a lot of emotions and hormones involved with sex that can affect how you might feel. If you’re in a casual relationship, regularly check in with yourself about how you feel and talk to a friend about it.
If your needs are not being met, the other person is a poor communicator, constantly lets you down, disrespects you or doesn’t appreciate your time and needs, it isn’t working. Just because the situation ‘isn’t that deep’, it doesn’t mean you have to put up with something that doesn’t make you feel good. Make sure you’re getting validation from other areas of your life and not relying on the attention of your casual relationship partner to make you feel good about yourself.
Casual relationships can offer intimacy, pleasure, friendship, emotional support and fun but without looking like a stereotypical “relationship” – they may not be monogamous, have a level of commitment towards each other, or be long-term.
However, that’s not to say that casual relationships can’t include any of these elements. For example. some people might be in a monogamous and long-term casual relationship based purely on sex.
Casual relationships have become popular and can be great for some people if:
Whatever your motivation for a casual relationship, it’s really important that you are clear about your intentions when starting something with someone new, and that you make sure you communicate with each other as feelings and situations change.
Casual relationships are more common today but that doesn’t mean that you should ever feel that it is the only option.
If you’re looking for a relationship that is committed and long-term, then a casual relationship might not be right for you at the moment and that’s okay – there are lots of other people out there looking for something more than a casual relationship.
If you’re in a casual relationship and find yourself experiencing some of the below, it might mean it’s not for you:
All these are signs that your needs might not be being met – whether that’s a need for exclusivity (only seeing or having sex with one person), an emotional connection or a need for commitment and reliability. It’s worth thinking about what you want at this point in your life, from this relationship and from them.
Casual relationships aren’t for everyone so you should never be pressured into a casual relationship when you want something else.
If you want more but you’ve spoken to them and they only want a casual relationship, it’s best to end things there. If you carry on with your needs not being met it may cause you more hurt and affect your mental health.
Ending any kind of relationship is never easy and ending a casual relationship can affect you as much or more than a break-up because you’re having to let go of a potential future that you never got to fully experience. But it’s never a good idea to stay in any kind of relationship that isn’t serving you.
You might find you want to stay in touch or message them every so often but this will likely make it harder to move on. It’s best if you delete their number, block them on social media and write a list about why they weren’t for you which you can read whenever you have doubts.
If they respect you, they’ll let you go and be understanding that you don’t want them to get in touch with you. If they suggest that they may want more in the future or continue to message you, it’s not worth waiting for them or holding onto any hope of a future. They may not mean any harm by it but they may also simply want to keep the arrangement or relationship they have with you or keeping you as a potential option in the future (sometimes referred to as breadcrumbing).
More about breakups
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