How my friends support my mental health: Rachel’s story

A big part of my ability to maintain good mental health is through my support system, made up of my closest friends, and more specifically, my queer friendships. As an only child, friendship became a sort of substitute for not having any siblings. It gave me a way to build a support system around myself of people that I care deeply about and people who care deeply about me. I’m very lucky and grateful to have a supportive family but being able to extend this to my chosen family in the form of my friendships is one of my favourite aspects of myself and my life.

I’ve always had such lovely friends and people around me; I’ve never felt without any love or support as they’ve continuously been there for me.

After I went through a big life change last year, my friends showed up for me in every way they could.

At that point in my life, in the absence of romantic love, my platonic connections continued to strengthen me and help me maintain love for myself. When I go through particularly difficult patches in my life or when I’m feeling down, they continue to show up for me in the same way that they do when I’m at my happiest.

One of the first things my flatmate said to me when I met her was, ‘you would get on so well with my friends’ and I cannot put into words how affirming it was to hear her say this. More than two years on, I couldn’t imagine a life without these friends. These friendships put a lot into perspective in terms of the type of people I should be surrounding myself with, they have directly and indirectly shown me what it should be like to be supported and loved undeniably. This queer friendship group, as well as my other queer friendships, have shown me what it’s like to be understood in every aspect of my life.

Further than just our queer identities, my queer friendships have allowed me to feel more comfortable and empowered to express myself and my sexuality.

Queerness isn’t the definitive factor in our friendships, but something that connects us more deeply.

Being queer goes so much further than a description of my sexuality, queerness to me is the expansive way I am able to love the people I connect with, both platonically and romantically. I feel that my queer friendships have allowed me to feel fully comfortable with myself and with the ways I go through life.

These friendships help me to maintain my mental health by fulfilling my state of mental wellbeing. Nothing makes me happier than reminding myself of the wonderful, loving, authentic connections that I have with the friends around me. These queer friendships affirm me with the knowledge that I am exactly where I need to be, and can express myself in the way most authentic to myself. It is through living authentically that I am able to maintain good mental wellbeing and mental health overall.

It is within these friendships that I’m able to talk about sexual health mostly openly and candidly; everything from discussing STI tests, to dating, to contraception, to sexual safety. Having friendships around me, where nothing is too revealing or taboo, allows me to feel fully comfortable with myself and helps put my mind at ease. Having queer friendships has also helped me to feel more comfortable in queer spaces and attend events that I would have been too nervous to attend otherwise. I attended Pride with my friends for the first time this year. Afterwards, we attended a local lesbian club night, and I felt comfortable knowing I was supported and loved by the friends around me, going to an event I could only have dreamed of attending only a couple of years ago.

I didn’t realise just how much my queer friendships have shown me about feeling understood and supported.

These friendships take me to lovely places, to the cinema, to concerts, to the pub, to dinner parties, to museums, to movie nights, to walks in the park, to sitting around in our homes, to festivals, to different countries, to charity shops and everywhere in-between.

I love telling my friends how grateful I am for them, for the memories we make together, the small gestures we do for each other, for the nights out we go on and for the people they have introduced me to. But there are so many things that I don’t have the words to describe.

To me, friendship isn’t always about buying material things, or about saying big affirmations to each other or doing large acts of service for each other. Instead, it is continuing to show up for each other no matter what. I’m so grateful that I’m able to love them and appreciate them for everything they do for me, helping me to maintain my mental health and wellbeing in such a loving way.