Social media and Cyberbulling: Bouchra’s story

I was 11 years old when I first started using social media. The first type of social media platform I got was Instagram, which is where most of my negative online experiences occurred. At first I was really excited, like any other child would be, finally being able to express myself and talk to friends. I never imagined that the online world could be so negative and judgemental, as it has become nowadays. 

As a young child, I felt so ecstatic at the thought of being able to have my own social media account and have that freedom

At first, everything was going great. I started gaining followers, mainly friends from school. I used social media to contact loads of people I knew, for example, family and friends. I really didn’t see how the online world could be a dangerous place. However, looking back, I didn’t know the dangers and negativity I would be exposed to.

It first started when I was in year 8. Me and a couple of friends from school had a disagreement, which ended in us not talking for a couple months. It started in person, then slowly developed into an online argument and went on for a couple of weeks. 

I was sent many horrible comments, which no one should ever be told; I was told that I looked ugly, that no one cared about me, and told to end my life multiple times. As you can imagine, a 12 year old would’ve believed every single comment. I was called many more horrible things and I was bullied heavily, both inside and outside of school. 

I never told anyone about it because I genuinely thought that it was my fault and that I should be treated like this. It got to a point where I started to believe every small thing that would be said about me. This affected my confidence a lot. Not only did these people who I thought were my ‘friends’ get everyone against me, they also made me go against myself. I was drowning in hatred towards myself and wanted it all to end. It got to a point where I genuinely thought this world would be a better place without me in it. 

Eventually I opened up to a teacher in school about everything that happened and how I felt. They supported me and got me the help that I needed. 

The first lockdown occurred in 2020 and I was happy to finally be able to get away from all the negativity that was happening in school. I stopped talking to these ‘friends’ and met a new group of people at school who genuinely made me feel happy. We had played football with the school together and then got to know one another a lot more. They were the only ones who were nice to me and didn’t try to start anything. I wasn’t able to see them in person, of course, but we FaceTimed and messaged each other all the time during lockdown. 

Eventually, the horrible comments did stop which made me feel so much happier. I didn’t have an easy time forgiving and forgetting all of the horrible things that were said to me but I did end up moving past the situation and developing as an individual.

Although being in lockdown got me away from the problems which occurred at school, it didn’t get me away from the feelings of isolation and anxiety. 

This lockdown had a huge impact on my confidence and social skills, and coming out of it was a big issue for me. I wasn’t able to communicate properly with other people and constantly felt like I was being judged. My anxiety grew coming out of lockdown, as I had got used to not socialising as much and being able to hide away. This was around the time that I had my first panic attack. I didn’t understand why I was feeling like this and felt so alone. 

As there wasn’t much to do in lockdown, I started to use social media more and in year 9 I became a lot more active on social media. This was the first time that I was sent an unwanted image from a stranger. Of course, I quickly deleted it and just forgot about the situation. This happened many more times from random people who I didn’t know. I didn’t really know what to do in those situations so I just kept deleting the images and blocking the accounts. I didn’t understand why I was receiving these images and started to blame myself. I started to get comments and DMs from strangers which made me feel uncomfortable. 

I thought that it was my fault that I was getting sent these messages, which took a toll on my mental health. I didn’t tell anyone about the images that were sent to me, but in the end, I deleted social media for a couple months and decided to focus on myself.

Fortunately, I received so much support from counsellors/therapists in school who managed to get me to focus on becoming happier and working through everything, which eventually led to me coming off of social media for a while to work on myself. No person should ever have to receive any unwanted inappropriate images or comments, especially a 13-14 year old. I moved on from this situation by making sure that my social media accounts were private, and only letting my friends, family or people that I know follow my accounts. This did help a lot with being more safe online. 

If you are experiencing the same situation, please know that it’s not your fault. 

Towards the end of summer in 2022, just before I started year 11, I joined a group chat with a bunch of different girls all around the UK. This group chat was made to support one another with mental health and was a safe space for anyone to go to. Before I joined the group chat, I had no hope left in anything. The girls in the group chat made me realise that not all people online are bad people that try to take advantage of you. 

These people have been the biggest supporters and have never failed to help. It has made me change my view on social media. 

I have experienced many things online, both positive and negative. But if they have taught me one thing, it would be that some people will always try to bring you down just to make themselves feel better. No matter how hard life can get sometimes, there is still hope out there. It may not feel like it right now, and reaching out for help can be scary, but it will get better with time, even if it might take a while. 

Putting yourself first isn’t selfish, it’s necessary.