Safety on dating apps: Rachel’s story 

When I first downloaded dating apps it felt exciting and nerve-racking. Setting up my profile with carefully chosen photos that I thought showed my personality and appearance best was surprisingly hard. How can anyone pick five photos and a few prompts to capture who they are?

As validating as it was to create my profile, it almost felt as if I was advertising myself: here is how fun I am, here is a photo of me looking good, here is an anecdote from my life that is interesting.

Messaging and liking people on Hinge felt just as awkward at first. Over time I made a conscious decision to stop putting so much pressure on myself. Everyone on dating apps is doing the same thing: looking for new connections, fun dates and perhaps the right person. I realised I needed to be authentic—messaging people the way I wanted to, not the way I thought I should. It is completely fine to take time to work out what you are looking for.

I tested out messaging and liking and became less nervous about making the first move. I would send compliments or comment on something from a profile to build common ground. The app shows the other person you are interested and, if they feel the same, they can match and start a conversation. Sometimes I got matches, other times I did not. I lived by the motto “what’s for me won’t go by me”, so if someone did not match that was fine. The people who did were as interested in me as I was in them.

In those early days I took conversations slowly, learning more about the other person and finding commonalities naturally. I kept chats on the app at first and moved to Instagram or gave out my number only when I felt ready. Taking things at my own pace kept me safe and helped me decide whether to meet for a first date.

Before a first date I always made sure someone knew where I was going and a few details about who I was meeting. For me that was my flatmate Hannah. If a date was going well I updated her; if I felt uneasy I could message and she would help me leave safely. She also had access to my location on Find My Friends, so if I lost signal she could still see where I was. If you have someone you trust, share locations so they can check on you if needed.

When planning a date I messaged the other person to agree what sort of outing we wanted—drinks, dinner or an activity. I chose places that were central for both of us and easy to reach. If I suggested the venue I picked somewhere I knew well. If they suggested it, I made sure I knew the area so I felt comfortable and at ease.

On first dates, just as with online messaging, I took things slow and did not pressure myself to act a certain way. I went with the flow, talking about our days, interests and preferences. I had no set expectations. If a date was going well it was obvious to both of us, and we could decide whether to meet again or see where things led.

Before starting a sexual relationship I always made sure I had been recently tested for STIs. It reassured me that I was reducing the chance of passing on an infection. After sex with new partners, and routinely every three months, I tested again. It is kind to yourself and to others to know your STI status.

The most exciting part of online dating for me was exploring my sexuality in a fun and safe way. I loved meeting new people and having experiences I had not tried before. Most connections stayed as fun dates, but one from Hinge became a lovely relationship with my girlfriend.

Following all the advice I have shared, we matched on Hinge, got to know each other and went on dates to pubs, the cinema, coffee shops, on walks and even to a Chappell Roan gig. We let our connection grow gradually before starting a relationship, and I would not change a thing.

Online dating can be enjoyable whether or not you find a lasting partner. If things had not worked out between us, we would still have the memories of our dates. Dating is not always about finding “the one”. It is also about giving yourself the chance to enjoy new, natural experiences with new people, whatever the outcome.