Five Things We Can Learn from Heated Rivalry 

Education and Wellbeing Coordinator, Rin Harris, loves Heated Rivalry. In this blog, they explore why the TV show has been such a huge success, and what it can teach us about love, sex, and relationships.

Like many people, the last couple of months of my life have been consumed by Heated Rivalry. I waited patiently for it to come out in the UK, bought a subscription specially, then binged it in one day. I then watched clips and every interview the cast have done. I’ve re-watched it, twice. I’ve read the books. I’m going into hibernation until season 2. 

For those of you who don’t know, Heated Rivalry is about two closeted hockey players who are enemies on the ice but form an intimate and romantic secret relationship off the ice. And it’s been a huge hit! There are a lot of articles about why it’s been such a runaway success, but I love it because it’s a refreshing portrayal of queer love with sparkling dialogue, compact storytelling, emotional intimacy, hot sex scenes and epic yearning. Essentially, my feelings are summed up by the diagram at the start of Jenka Gurfinkel’s article – yes fun smutty hockey show but oh my god love is everything!

But what can Heated Rivalry teach us about sex and relationships? I’m so glad you asked! Here are my top five… 

“You still want?” – Reversible consent 

When teaching young people about consent, we emphasise that consent is conditional and reversible. People can give consent for some types of sex, not others, and what types of sex they consent to can change between each sexual encounter. People can also change their minds at any time. 

In episode two, when Ilya and Shane have anal sex for the first time, Ilya asks gently, “You still want?” He also checks in regularly, to make sure Shane is still enjoying it, saying, “Is okay?” If you watch closely like I did, you can also see that Shane gives consent physically as well as verbally, by pushing back on him to show it’s what he wants. It’s hot and sweet, and reminds us that consent isn’t mechanical and awkward, it makes sex better! 

“You think this will be enough?” – Safer sex practices 

In the same scene, Ilya teases Shane by waving a long strip of condoms and joking, “You think this will be enough?” There’s a perception of condom use from some that it ‘ruins the moment’ or stops intimacy.  But here, talking about it is part of their foreplay. Putting on a condom can be a nice little interlude. An opportunity to stop and check in with each other. It can build tension rather than breaking it.  

“Willyoucometomycottagethissummer” – Asking for what you want 

One of the sweetest scenes in the show happens after Shane is injured. Loopy on painkillers, he is less guarded than usual and asks if Ilya will join him for “a week or maybe two” at the lake house where he spends his summers. They’ve never spent more than a few hours together at a time so it’s a bold ask – and a way exploring what could happen if they allowed their connection time and space to grow. Shane is opening his heart. And when Ilya calls Shane at the end of episode five to say, “I’m coming to the cottage,” we know it means that Ilya is opening his heart too. It’s gorgeous. 

“I’m sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t tell me” – Acceptance and being loved for your whole self 

In episode six, Shane comes out to his parents after his dad sees him kissing Ilya at the cottage. His mum, Yuna, seems to be in shock and goes outside to have a moment. After a few minutes, Shane joins her and apologises to her, saying he tried but he can’t help it. Rather than being resentful, Yuna sees the pain that Shane has been dealing with privately and tells him he has nothing to apologise for. Instead, she is the one to apologise for not making it easier for him to tell her. 

This is such a healing moment for both Shane and for queer people watching: not only to be accepted wholly for who you are but also for a parental figure to see that they have (inadvertently) caused you pain.  

“Ya lyublyu tebya” – Vulnerability and allowing yourself to be loved 

At the cottage, Shane is planning a future with Ilya. Ilya is moved by Shane wanting a future with him and professes his love in Russian then English. Neither of the main characters regularly allow themselves to be vulnerable about their feelings, for different reasons. But it’s only through being brave enough to show our whole selves, including our flaws, that we allow ourselves to be loved as fully as we need and deserve.  

Of course, there are a lot of elements of Heated Rivalry that are fantasy. It’s about super rich elite athletes with the bodies of Greek statues. There are lots of things left off the screen too, and as we know from Brook’s FeelScene campaign, run by our 20-24 Participation Advisory Group, no media should be viewed uncritically or unquestionably. Nonetheless, there are a lot of ways in which Heated Rivalry can be a starting point for useful and important conversations about healthy communication, safer sex, love and emotional literacy. 

So, is it a fun smutty hockey show? Well, yes, but it’s also an important piece of media we can all learn from.