How to engage boys and young men in RSE 

We know what a powerful tool RSE can be when it’s done right, which is why engaging students of all genders is so important. In this blog, Media and Communications Co-ordinator, Alice Hoddinott, draws upon her time teaching Relationships and Sex Education to explore how we can ensure boys and young men stay engaged in RSE meaningfully.

Relationships and sex education (RSE) is most effective when it reflects the experiences of all young people. Through school, boys and young men (BYM) are navigating their growing identity alongside social pressures, online influence and constantly changing expectations around masculinity. If these realities aren’t recognised within RSE, there is a risk that they disengage which could lead them to misinformation, confusion or even into the worlds of the manosphere influencers we too often hear about. 

This is why creating inclusive spaces where boys and young men feel able to take part is essential. When they are meaningfully involved, it helps build understanding around relationships, respect and consent, and reduces the likelihood of harm and rigid unhealthy behaviours for everyone. 

So, how do we keep them in the conversation? 

Meet them where they are at 

Boys and young men are navigating their identity amidst competing pressures, social media, and constantly shifting expectations. If RSE doesn’t reflect their lived experience, they’re less likely to engage. Using language they relate to and examples they recognise will allow them to feel more comfortable contributing. 

Having some idea of what’s going on in the general zeitgeist is helpful, but this doesn’t mean you need to spend hours researching all the latest slang, influencers or current events. But if something comes up in conversation, mirror it back. For example, you might hear a young person say “dead it off” when talking about relationships, a phrase that essentially means “end the relationship” – so you could respond “well what would make you dead it off?” and that allows the conversation to continue more naturally.  

You might also know about HSTikkyTokky or Clavicular or Mr Beast – use their content as gateways into conversations about relationships, sex and identity. Or ask them what creators they follow and what they like about their content. Meeting young people in their own spaces makes it easier for them to have explorative conversations and helps you as an educator tap into difficult attitudes that can be unpicked and better understood. 

Using familiar language and realistic examples can help create a sense of safety and belonging within discussions. This encourages participation and allows young people to share perspectives, ask questions and reflect more openly; it makes RSE more tangible. 

Ask them what they’re concerned about 

RSE is not just an information off-load. Whilst we have a curriculum full of information which is important, it’s also important boys and young men feel equipped and supported with the issues they are facing every day. 

So, ask them. What are they worried about? What confuses them? What pressures are they facing? Giving them a voice not only makes RSE more relevant, but it also shows that their perspective matters. 

Creating space for young people to share what is important to them helps shift RSE from something that is delivered to them, to something they actively shape. This will lead to discussions that reflect real-life concerns and provides opportunity to unpick harmful attitudes or misinformation without it feeling like a personal attack. 

It also helps educators respond to emerging issues, whether that relates to relationships, online experiences or stigma and stereotypes. 

Tackle the issue, not the person 

When boys and young men feel shamed, it shuts down conversation, so it’s important they don’t feel like they are being labelled and blamed. This is why creating a space for RSE that is open and non-judgemental is essential. Environments that boys and young men deem safe are the ones where they will open up and engage meaningfully, which is exactly what we want to happen when talking about real world issues. 

It’s better to focus on behaviours, choices and impacts rather than making it personal. By focusing on behaviours or concepts rather than individuals, educators can support young people to think critically about actions and consequences, and the importance of accountability, without feeling targeted. This approach helps build understanding and encourages positive change. 

For example, a student might say something like “I think women belong in the kitchen” – we might immediately want to say “your view is not okay, it’s an old-fashioned idea rooted in misogyny and that in today’s world there is no place for those views”. Instead, we might approach that comment with exploring questions: “Where do we think ideas like this come from?” “What do we think women think about this idea?” “Do we think there are ways to compromise values/wants/needs in relationships?” 

Avoid terms like “toxic masculinity” 

There are a lot of buzzwords you might hear when talking about masculinity and misogyny that sound helpful, and often the intention of those words is to challenge harmful behaviours. 

But they can feel accusatory and alienating, which leads to defensiveness, rather than open and explorative discussion. Language plays a powerful role in shaping how young people engage with sensitive topics. While certain terms may be widely used, they can sometimes create barriers if they feel critical. 

‘Toxic masculinity’ is one of those terms – it refers to the exaggerated characteristics of being a man and looks at these characteristics as unhealthy or causing harm. And whilst they can cause harm, some of these traits can be positive too. When we say stereotypical masculinity (being strong, being the bread winner, etc) is harmful, we are dismissing people who identify strongly with these traits and manage them in a way that is positive. There is nothing wrong with being strong, but how we display and use that strength and why we want that strength to begin with is important to understand. 

Focusing on practical concepts such as self-worth, communication and healthy relationships instead can help keep conversations constructive and accessible. This approach supports young people to explore ideas without feeling like they need to defend themselves. 

Engaging boys and young men in RSE is an essential part of creating safer, more respectful communities. When education reflects their realities, avoids judgement, and uses language they connect with, it becomes more meaningful and impactful, especially when it is done so in safe, open environments. When we ensure boys and young men are part of the conversation, it helps build a culture where everyone feels heard and empowered to contribute to positive change.