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In this blog, Brook’s 25+ Participation Advisory Group reflect on their project, Reclaiming Pleasure, which added valuable content to Brook’s website and socials about how to find pleasure again in busy and stressful lives which require balance and connection.
When we talk about sex, pleasure is often assumed to be something that should just happen naturally, but for many people, especially those in adulthood, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Life gets busy, bodies change, relationships shift, stress builds, and suddenly sex and intimacy can start to feel different.
As Brook’s 25+ Participation Advisory Group (PAG), we wanted to create something that spoke honestly to that experience. Reclaiming Pleasure is a project shaped by real conversations about low libido, changing desire, intimacy, and the unhelpful expectations that often surround sex in adulthood. We wanted to take the pressure off and remind people that pleasure is personal and worth reconnecting with in whatever way feels right for you.
As we started brainstorming ideas for our project, one of the things that kept coming up was that people our age and older are often quietly struggling with sex and don’t feel like there’s anywhere to talk about it. We all agreed, that by this point in life, there’s an assumption that you should have sex figured out. That if your sex drive drops, your relationship changes, or pleasure feels harder to access, it must be something you’re doing wrong. As we spoke, there were lots of heads nodding and exclamations of agreement.
It turns out we had all felt like this at some point but none of us had really spoken to anyone about it and it sucked.
We wanted to make sure that whatever this project was going to be, it was going to ensure others had somewhere to go if, or when, they felt like we had.
Although our personal experiences were difficult, we are also all sexual health nerds, so we knew the reality of sex is much more complex than what we all see on the surface. Low sex drive is incredibly common and can be linked to stress, mental health, physical health, hormones, medication, past experiences, or simply being exhausted by everyday life. Yet a lot of the information online still frames desire as something that should be constant, spontaneous, and easy, especially in long-term relationships; If you genuinely love and fancy your partner, you should be having sex all the time, right?
We knew that Brook’s website was the right place for this content. Unlike social media, website resources allow space for nuance, reassurance, and depth. They can meet people where they are, whether they’re questioning intimacy in their relationship or just wondering if they’re alone in how they feel. We also know that social media doesn’t always like us talking about sex and pleasure so we wanted this content to have a permanent home, free from shadow-banning and post removal.
Reclaiming Pleasure is about shifting the conversation around sex away from performance and expectation, and back towards curiosity and connection, not just with a partner or your own body, but also in the everyday things that bring you joy too.
The content is built from the recognition that pleasure isn’t a switch you can flip on and off whenever you choose. For many people, desire is responsive rather than spontaneous and it grows from feeling good in yourself and feeling relaxed and emotionally connected with someone else. Our project encourages people to ask broader questions to help them connect with pleasure again. How are you feeling in your body? How stressed do you feel? How connected do you feel to your partner? And how connected do you feel to yourself? Intimacy isn’t always about sex, and rebuilding closeness might start with smaller things such as spending intentional time together, as well as apart.
Our project is also about normalising change. Desire can fluctuate, especially in long-term relationships but that doesn’t mean something is broken. Stories like Annie’s help bring this to life, showing how low libido can feel isolating, and how powerful it can be to realise you’re not alone.
It reminds us that when sex becomes something you feel you should want, rather than something you genuinely enjoy, it’s no surprise that pleasure can disappear!
Importantly, Reclaiming Pleasure doesn’t offer one solution that will work for everyone. Instead, it offers reassurance and practical ideas all built from our own experiences. This ranges from exploring what boosts your mood away from the bedroom, trying new tactics around sexual currency and scheduling sex, to talking openly with a partner; it’s here to help us move past rigid ideas about sex and understand that despite us having something in common, we are also very different.
On a personal level, we hope the legacy of Reclaiming Pleasure is that it helps people feel less pressured and more empowered to define pleasure on their own terms. On a wider level, we hope it challenges deeply ingrained myths in our society. Does everyone really want sex all the time? Does intimacy fade because of personal failure? Is a relationship without frequent sex not a caring and loving relationship? We say no! These narratives can cause real harm, especially when people internalise them and stop talking to one another due to embarrassment and shame.
We also hope the project continues to reinforce the idea that pleasure is not just physical. Emotional intimacy, trust, feeling heard, and feeling safe in your body all matter, especially as life changes around you.
By encouraging people to focus on these aspects, we hope more people are able to have healthier, more sustainable relationships.
Visibility is another big part of the legacy we hope we’ve created with this project. Pleasure focused conversations often centre younger people, new relationships, or idealised versions of sex. By focusing on the experience of those moving through adulthood, this project validates the realities of this period, highlighting complexity and change as a normal part of it.
Ultimately, Reclaiming Pleasure has created a hub of information that people can return to again and again. Whether someone is navigating low libido for the first time, rebuilding intimacy after a difficult period, or simply questioning what pleasure means to them now, Reclaiming Pleasure offers the possibility to slow down and reconnect.
PAG member: “I always felt brighter for having joined PAG meetings. I am grateful to have been introduced to a group of caring, passionate changemakers.”
Reclaiming Pleasure comes from honest conversations about how sex and intimacy really feel for adults. It recognises that pleasure isn’t always easy or constant and that this is normal. The content we have created is a space for reassurance through challenging harmful myths, reducing shame, and broadening the definition of intimacy beyond sex alone.
Above all, Reclaiming Pleasure reminds us that pleasure belongs to you. And with the right information and support, it’s always something you can reconnect with in your own time, and in your own way.
Our campaign, Reclaiming Pleasure, created by our 25+ Participatory Advisory Group is all about rediscovering what feels good – both in and beyond the bedroom. If you don’t enjoy sex or find yourself wanting it less, exploring what brings you pleasure in daily life can help you reconnect with yourself and your body.
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