Stealthing: What is it and why do you need to know about it?

Our #SaferSexRules campaign is about three things: Condoms, Testing and Consent. In this blog, Media and Communications Coordinator, Alice Hoddinott, explores stealthing as a violation of consent and a criminal offence, helping us understand why it is a vital part of Relationships and Sex Education.

What is stealthing and how big a problem is it?

Stealthing is when a condom is purposefully damaged or removed during sex by one partner, without the other partner’s knowledge or agreement. In other words, sex with a condom was consented to, but sex without was not.

Even though stealthing is a slang word, not a legal term, under the law in England and Wales it can be treated as rape. This is because consent was given under the condition that a condom would be used, so when the condom is unknowingly removed or damaged, that condition is broken and consent no longer applies to the situation.

Under the Sexual Offences Act 2003, consent must be specific about the nature of the sexual activity. If a partner misleads or secretly changes conditions (like condom use), then they have violated that consent.

At present, the act would be prosecuted under existing criminal law as rape, rather than under a separate stealthing offence. This means that people can go to prison with a maximum life sentence if they are guilty of the offence.

Although stealthing has been recognised within the law since the early 1990s, recent research suggests that while many young people consider stealthing as wrong, they don’t always realise it’s illegal.

According to a UK-wide 2024 survey by University College London, nearly 99% of those surveyed said non-consensual condom removal is wrong, and about 88% see it as sexual assault. Despite this, around 1 in 10 respondents were unsure or didn’t believe that stealthing is a crime.

This gap between recognising wrongdoing and knowing the law shows there is a lack of understanding on this issue. This means stealthing is often unchallenged and accepted in relationships and casual encounters.

What is the impact of stealthing?

The impact of stealthing can be long lasting and complex.

Physically, risks include unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs), because the protective barrier a condom provides has been removed.

But beyond the physical risks, there’s much greater emotional and psychological implications. Being deceived or betrayed during sex undermines trust, personal autonomy, and a person’s sense of safety. For many this can lead to trauma, anxiety, and difficulty forming healthy relationships, with survivors often describing feeling violated, manipulated, and powerless.

Another big difficulty is stealthing being minimised as “just a mistake” or “not a big deal.” This can lead survivors struggling to recognise their experience as assault and can also lead them to feel unable to talk about it for fear of not being taken seriously. This can lead to isolation and shame.

It’s also important to know that in unhealthy relationships, stealthing can become part of a pattern of control. The act undermines someone’s boundaries, consent, and the right to make decisions about their own body leaving them powerless and influencing their idea of what is right and wrong in relationships.

So, how can we combat stealthing?

Education and awareness

Despite progress over the years,  people aren’t always aware that stealthing is a crime; some think it might be or should be but they don’t actually know. This means there is still work to do!

Education about stealthing in Relationships and Sex Education can help shift that. If people understand that the removal of a condom without consent is non-consensual sex, they are more likely to recognise boundaries, question violating behaviour, and seek help if needed.

It’s important to remember that stealthing by name and action will be new to lots of people when these conversations start to happen. This means people may be recognising for the first time they are a victim or a perpetrator of stealthing. A safe space, free from judgement is imperative to ensure everyone can learn and receive the support they may need.

Normalising consent and communication

Consent should always be clear, enthusiastic, and ongoing and should always stem from honest communication about boundaries and respect. Being upfront, checking in with each other, and affirming consent as things change both in and out of intimate situations, helps build trust. It also makes it harder for someone to justify secretive or deceptive behaviour.

Supporting survivors

Creating safe and non-judgmental spaces where people feel able to speak about their experiences of stealthing is vital. That includes sexual health services, counselling services, support organisations, as well as friends and partners.

Recognising someone’s experience for what it is and validating the survivor’s feelings is important for them to heal and to seek the support they need. For some this will be legal support as well as emotional, but it’s important to know that not everyone will want to seek legal justice; that is the survivor’s choice and should be respected.

Challenging harmful online content

Some online spaces normalise stealthing, framing it though lenses of excitement and dominance. This normalisation does a lot of harm:

• It stigmatises condom use which in turn leads to risks around unwanted pregnancies and STI transmission.
• It’s tied to problematic gender norms, typically positioning the man as dominant, calling the shots and knowing what’s best for both people during intimacy. It can be seen as a signal of masculinity.
• It leads to a skewed understanding of consent and healthy relationships.

These messages need to be challenged by re-enforcing what normal, healthy sex, consent and relationships look like.

To put it simply: Stealthing is a serious violation of someone’s consent and autonomy.

It is not a grey area or a harmless mistake.

It’s an act where consent is broken and trust and respect are ignored. Under UK law, it can and should be treated as rape, yet many people don’t know that which means it continues to be normalised and survivors don’t speak out.

That’s why talking about stealthing matters. Because the more we acknowledge it in conversations, education, media and the law, the more we protect each other.