5 phrases to avoid when teaching RSE

Brook’s Senior Communications and Policy Coordinator, Eliza Bell, highlights 5 phrases we might hear in the classroom that can add to stigma around sexual health, reproductive rights and mental health.

When teaching Relationships and Sex Education (RSE), the language we use plays a critical role in reducing stigma. By choosing our words more thoughtfully, we can create an environment where young people feel safe, respected, and supported in exploring their health and wellbeing. Here are 5 common phrases that might be used when teaching RSE which can perpetuate stigma and some alternatives.

1. ‘Clean/dirty’ when talking about STIs 

Sometimes people use the word ‘clean’ to indicate that someone doesn’t have an STI – the implication being that having an STI would be ‘dirty’.  

Not only is this untrue as having an STI is nothing to do with hygiene or cleanliness but it’s also particularly stigmatising for people living with an STI.

What to use instead?

You could try saying ‘clear’ e.g. ‘Their test results were clear.’ or negative/positive e.g. ‘They tested negative for STIs’.

2. ‘Committed suicide’ 

While saying that someone ‘committed’ suicide is quite common, it has underlying negative connotations implying that the person is committing a crime. This phrasing is an overhang from when suicide was illegal (suicide has not been considered a crime in England and Wales since 1961) and continues to stigmatise those experiencing suicidal thoughts and poor mental health. This will, in turn, continue to make people feel uncomfortable reaching out for help. 

What to use instead?

Try to use ‘died by suicide’. 

3. ‘fell/fall pregnant’ 

This one might just be personal preference, but why do we say ‘she fell pregnant’? When we consider other phrases that use this structure – like fall sick or fell from grace, it seems like this is a negative way to consider pregnancy. It’s possible that this harks back to a time when getting pregnant outside of what society deemed to be appropriate circumstances might classify you as a ‘fallen woman’. 

What to use instead?

There are lots of other alternatives to choose from, like got pregnant, is pregnant etc.  

4. ‘Virginity’ and ‘Losing virginity’ 

The word ‘virginity’ has been used for thousands of years to describe the state of not having had sex. But ‘virginity’ is not a medical or scientific concept; there is no way to tell from someone’s body if they have or haven’t had sex before.  

The first time someone has penetrative sex is often described as ‘losing your virginity’. This implies that the only sex that counts is penetrative sex and that you ‘lose’ something when you have it.

What to use instead?

Some people like to use the phrase ‘sexual debut’ instead of ‘losing your virginity’, because it doesn’t treat having sex for the first time as a loss of anything, or a change in your status as a person (i.e. from ‘virgin’ to ‘non-virgin’ or ‘experienced’). 

Learn more about the problem with ‘virginity’.

5. ‘Baby’ to refer to a fetus  

During pregnancy the fertilised egg develops from a zygote to an embryo and then at about eight weeks to a fetus. ‘Fetus’ is the scientific term that is then used throughout pregnancy.  

When discussing abortion, the words embryo and then fetus are accurate and neutral. People who refer to the fetus as a baby when someone is considering abortion or has had an abortion often do it to change their mind or to try to make them feel guilty. 

This contributes to the stigma that still surrounds abortion even though it is a safe, straightforward and every day aspect of women’s healthcare. It is so common that one in three people who can get pregnant will experience at least one abortion.  

What to use instead?

Use the words embryo and fetus until someone has indicated that they are planning on continuing their pregnancy and want to have a baby. 

Language matters. By making some small changes we can all help to tackle stigma that exists in daily lives.