Countering online misogyny in the classroom

Nick Dunne is Brook’s Head of Business Development. He has over 20 years of experience as a sexual health educator and trauma-informed counsellor, in particular with boys and young men. In this blog, he draws on this experience to give practical advice to educators dealing with the rise of hateful and misogynistic rhetoric stemming from the popularity of influencers like Andrew Tate. 

In a recent RSE lesson with a group of 14-year-old boys on the topic of gender, in particular myths, stereotypes, and inequalities, they shared the below views with me about masculinity means to them: 

‘To be a man in the world is like always being prepared for battle… you need to battle for the house, money, status and woman you want… if you don’t have grind mentality, you’ll fail’.  

“To be masculine is to have a missus (sic) and 200k in the bank by the time you grow up” – growing up being by 21! 

“To be masculine is to not cry and suck it up if upset“

As disheartening as it was to hear the group share these views, many of these opinions have been heard for decades, going back to even when I was a young person. What I have noticed within RSE lessons of late, however, is the increase in these views’ intensity, particularly around the unrealistic expectations boys/young men hold themselves to, whether that be wealth, body image or even perceived status. 

The past year has seen a marked rise in popularity of influencers who promote hateful and often misogynistic views amongst young people. Following his recent arrest, Andrew Tate is perhaps the most well-known of these, and teachers may be finding his name brought up in their classrooms.

But why do some boys/young men seem to be aligning with this messaging? And what can educators do to hold space for these conversations and address the harm of these views? 

It’s important to note that this is not just about one person’s views. The harmful rhetoric that is coming out from people like Tate is a symptom of a pre-existing culture of harmful gender stereotypes and tropes that affect all of us, regardless of gender, due to their deep entrenchment in our society. 

Tackling gender violence and entrenched stereotypes is a role for all of us, not just the boys/young men we engage with.

Ultimately, these messages are passed down from adults in a society that is still rife with inequalities towards women and marginalised groups. 

RSE lessons are a great space to unpack and challenge these views. Through exploring healthy and unhealthy relationships, we can help young people learn to spot harmful and abusive behaviours and support them to seek help if they are experiencing abuse or struggling with their own behaviour towards a partner.  

Equally, discussing gender and stereotypes can be a good opportunity to open up important conversations about self-esteem and mental health as well as identifying the role stereotypes play in perpetuating a culture of gender-based violence. 

Many teachers tell me this is an area of RSE that they find challenging to teach and seek advice. Here are some tips I would give on educating on this topic: 

• Look at what it means to be ‘masculine and feminine’ and having discussions around where these messages come from 
• Look at people that display positive behaviours relating to masculinity, protective, nurturing, empathetic, caring, sense of fun, whether that be in school, home, or wider society/positive influential figures – unpick that positives of masculinity can be shared by femininity and vice-vera thus challenging stereotypes 
• Explore harmful gender language openly, as many young people are not aware terms can be offensive as they have never received appropriate challenge (saying why it can be harmful as opposed to just saying ‘do not say that’). We all make mistakes and that is okay, we are here to educate and evoke discussion that results in awareness 
• Talk openly around what makes a relationship healthy, and the traits young people seek  
• Explore where these messages also come from away from social media… school? Family? TV? Music? And then further exploring how we test the accuracy of these messages and how they align with our own beliefs and values 

It’s also essential that we encourage the development of critical thought to what is being absorbed online. This enables young people to see beyond the image that is being portrayed to them. 

In the same RSE lesson, I spent a lot of time setting the ground rules and boundaries, as the group told me they were fearful that if they said the wrong thing or didn’t have a view everyone agreed on, they would get in trouble for it.  

This fear of sharing views is something I have noticed increase in recent years which I put down to a mixture of how views are responded to in the ‘online world’, along with how any emotive conversation is often met with one side being polarised or ‘cancelled’.  Boys and young men tell me this is one of the reasons why they are disassociating from having educative conversations around gendered violence. It also inadvertently reinforces the rhetoric from people like Tate that they are being silenced.   

Many teachers tell me that they would immediately tell a young person that their views or questions are unacceptable and shut these down, which I can understand. Young people will by their very nature push boundaries and pose statements that are uncomfortable and provocative towards you, or their peers.   

However, it is also important to reflect whether the young person is trying to communicate something relevant but isn’t equipped with the right terminology to do so. RSE lessons may be the only place where these statements receive challenge outside of the online echo chambers many people find themselves in.

Setting clear ground rules is key to managing the room safely for all present, whilst allowing space to deconstruct opinions.  

For young people to develop a critical lens and to understand the agency they have over whether they are to be a part of gendered violence, or a disrupter of it, facilitating this discussion whilst providing an alternative, inclusive narrative in an objective, safe and non-defensive setting is paramount to their learning and to address misconceptions. 

With that in mind, here are some tips for addressing challenging and offensive statements/questions: 

• Address the content of statement and why it is problematic 
• Give fact-based, alternative and real viewpoints about why what they may have learnt from online personas is problematic, harmful, misogynistic etc 
• Replying with ‘‘It can cause people to feel upset or hurt if we use that word because…’ or ‘A better way of saying that is…’ 
• Remain positive about the young person’s presumed curiosity and reassert boundaries, referring to the ground rules 
• Have a whole school approach to how certain topics or statements are addressed 

As with all aspects of RSE, training is paramount here. Learning from experienced outside agencies who specialise in this work daily, like Brook, is another good way of increasing confidence and ability.  

The importance of whole school approaches shines through again with this subject area, as many conversations around the topic will be in break time, pastoral time, outside of standard RSE lessons, so ensuring all staff are receiving development is key.

As we are seeing the reach of harmful gendered messaging reaching even younger students, a spiral curriculum approach is not only advantageous but from my experience, a necessity. 

We are in the very fortunate position to have the ability, tenacity and relationships with the young people we engage to be at the forefront of building empathy and understanding amongst each other. In doing so, we can support young people to go on to have healthy, happy relationships as they move into adulthood, free from misogynistic and hateful beliefs.