The Problem Isn’t Gaming – It’s NPC Adults

Many parents and professionals are quick to dismiss gaming. But when we ignore the world where many boys find belonging, we miss chances to connect. In this blog, Brook Product Development Manager and parent Rebecca Cant discusses how we typically misunderstand gaming for young boys.

I’ve been reflecting on the so-called “crisis of masculinity”. Since Adolescence aired in March, adults have been asking what’s going wrong for boys.

In a widely shared speech, Gareth Southgate blamed gambling, gaming and pornography, for the problems facing young people. Of course, gambling addiction is harmful and some pornography is misogynistic. But putting gaming in the same category as those serious issues carelessly dismisses boys’ culture and interests. That attitude is only part of the problem.

Gaming is not a problem to be solved. It is a global industry worth hundreds of billions and a powerful cultural movement. Like books or films, games create other worlds: you can fly, build civilisations, play football with heroes, fight monsters, kill zombies or run a business. Gaming drives tech innovation and shapes adolescent identity. Whether you play or not, it deserves attention and curiosity.

Yet many adults take pride in not understanding it. A friend once said, “I can’t bear it when he talks about Minecraft,” while her son described his latest build—an elaborate woodland mansion with a guest bedroom and rooftop hot tub created just for her.

For many children and teenagers, games mean play, exploration and friendship. If we don’t take an interest, we risk becoming NPCs: non-playable characters, stuck in the background and not engaged with.

If you’re a parent or teacher who doesn’t “get” gaming, here’s why boys love it and why you should care.

Freedom

Gaming is one of the few spaces left where boys can spend time together without scrutiny. Groups of boys in parks or on street corners are often viewed with suspicion. “No ball games” signs quietly tell them public space isn’t really for them. Indoors, they’re told to get off screens. Outdoors, they’re told to move along. Where are they meant to go?

Gaming gives them room to be together. Yet even there they are often watched with worry, described as addicted or antisocial. It’s easy to see only the back of a head and assume a boy is zoned out. What you miss is the network of friends, conversations and decisions unfolding in real time.

Togetherness

My sons are seven and eleven. They game with each other most days and friends join at weekends. Group gaming is a crash course in cooperation. They share controllers, negotiate turns, resolve disputes and set shared goals. Someone may storm off in tears, but they learn to collaborate and self-regulate in frustrating conditions. It is social development in action, even if it doesn’t look like it.

As children grow, these dynamics become more complex and harder to spot. Teenagers gaming online often coordinate strategy, handle conflict and make space for others. From the outside it looks like silence and a glowing screen, but it is socialising.

Adventure

Gaming offers escapism, humour and shared worlds. Think of The Last of Us with its cinematic storytelling and moral depth. Or Minecraft, now praised for teaching spatial reasoning, planning and creativity. Today’s younger teachers played it themselves and know how valuable it can be. My son’s Year 1 teacher even played the Minecraft music in class to help pupils focus.

Games can also do what books or lectures can’t. In Cult of the Lamb, you play a possessed lamb leading a cult. It’s charming and darkly clever. Matthew Remski, on the Conspirituality podcast, suggests it works as anti-cult propaganda. It exposes manipulation and exploitation in a way that is playful and digestible, especially for young people who might not otherwise talk about belief systems. That’s critical thinking, via a cartoon lamb.

Learning

Research backs up the cognitive benefits. A 2021 Oxford Internet Institute study found no link between moderate gaming and poor wellbeing; some games were linked to slight improvements. Other studies show gaming can improve memory, problem-solving, flexibility and even empathy.

Many adults would struggle to master the skills modern games demand. That speaks to the strategic thinking and adaptability required. Multiplayer gaming also fosters collaboration and communication, especially for boys who may be discouraged from showing emotion elsewhere.

Gaming isn’t perfect. Misogyny remains a serious problem. The Gamergate harassment campaign exposed a toxic undercurrent. Many games still use outdated gender roles and the industry struggles with inclusion. But games reflect the societies they come from. If sexism appears in gaming, it’s because sexism exists in the wider world. The answer is not to reject the medium, but to demand better—as we do with film and television.

Exploring Identity

Gaming gives space for alternative expressions of masculinity. Instead of strength or speed, competence might mean speedrunning a level or fast clicking.

My son often plays as female avatars in Fortnite, exploring identities less available in daily life. Research suggests that using avatars of different genders or identities can build empathy and perspective, letting players “try on” different ways of being.

The Disappearance of Real-World Spaces

As concern over screens has risen, youth spaces have quietly disappeared. The YMCA reports that more than 750 youth centres closed in England between 2010 and 2020. Libraries, leisure centres and skate parks have also gone. Naomi Klein once observed that public space is being replaced by corporate space. When boys lose real-world places to gather, it’s no surprise they turn to virtual ones.

Meeting Boys Where They Are

If we want boys to feel they belong, we must understand what makes them feel connected. That means looking more closely at the spaces they retreat to—not to police them, but to listen. When we dismiss gaming, we miss a chance to meet boys where they are and risk sending the message that what they care about doesn’t matter.

Boys need friendship, fun and the chance to feel competent and seen. For many, gaming offers that. So instead of panicking, let’s pay attention. Ask questions. Show interest. Behind the glowing screen is a world waiting to be understood—and often a boy hoping someone will take it seriously.