How to keep your children safe online

For Sexual Health Week we’re exploring how being Chronically Online is influencing our attitudes and behaviours around sex and relationships. In this blog, Kate Jervis, Brook’s Head of Data and Analysis and Data Protection Officer, shares her expertise along with her insights from raising two daughters to give you practical ways to help your children navigate the online world safely.  

“Mum, can I have Snapchat, it’s just for the filters?” 

“Mum, there’s this dance on TikTok all my friends are doing, can I have it?” 

 I’ve had both of these questions from my now 12-year-old daughter, as well as rafts of others related to her online life (or lack thereof). Generally, each question is finished with something along the lines of, “but all my mates have it”. 

 As Brook’s Head of Data and Analysis and also Data Protection Officer I like to think I’m pretty well-versed in technology and how to keep my children safe online. But the online world is constantly changing, and it’s a minefield keeping on top of what all the different apps can do and the risks for our children.  

It’s my firmly held personal belief that our children and young people should learn to navigate the online world safely. It’s not going away, and whatever path life takes them it’s likely to be a huge part of their future, whether that’s communicating with their fridge about what to make for dinner or working out whether images and videos they are looking at are real, or people they are interacting with are who they say they are. 

So how can you support them to navigate the online world safely? 

 I don’t think there is a one size fits all answer, but here are my top tips.   

1. Use parental controls

Most apps and devices have built in controls. Take the time to understand how they work and use them. I use ‘Family Link’ on my children’s devices and can control all sorts, from the apps they download to how long and when they can be online.  

Download some of the popular apps for yourself and get used to how they work and the controls in place, it’ll help you get it set up right for your children.  

2. Have age-appropriate conversations

I talk openly to my children about internet safety and how things can go wrong. This looks very different with my 8-year-old than it does with my 12-year-old.  

My 8-year-old knows that she has to ask for apps and games so I can check they are okay for her age. If she sees something that bothers her, she knows she can come and talk to me. She doesn’t play games like Roblox where she can potentially interact with others online. But if she does in the future, we’ll talk more about privacy and safety – mainly not sharing personal details and understanding people aren’t always who they say they are. 

My 12-year-old is at high school and that means endless group chats and sometimes inappropriate conversations or images being shared. We’ve often talked about how people online aren’t always who they say they are, how private images can be shared more widely and how important it is to be able to switch off and walk away. Without wanting to sound as old as I am, gone are the days that the bullies are left at the school gates – now it can follow you home online.  

As time goes on, I’ll be talking more with her about not sharing sexual images (of herself or anyone else), the risks of adults posing as children, online scammers and general online privacy. 

2. Check their devices

Part of them being honest with me means they know I will ask to check their devices regularly to make sure they are safe. My 8-year-old isn’t at all phased by this and thinks I just want to check out the colouring she has done on her tablet, or her high score on ‘Block Buster’.  

My 12-year-old is a different story. She wants to know what I want to check for and why. I turn this into a learning opportunity, explaining the reasons why I want to check things like location sharing settings or have a quick look at her browsing history. That way we can look together so she feels more in control and it gives her an opportunity to tell me about anything she’s seen online.  

I know she can delete messages and browser history but by having the conversation with her and being supportive when she does tell me something, I know she’s better equipped to stay safe online without my surveillance. This is crucial as she grows up and wants more privacy.

Some of the things I check are: 

• Messages – on any platform 
• Browser history 
• New apps 
• Gallery pictures 
• Location sharing off 

3. Be approachable

 Like with anything parenting related, there will always be challenges and things can and will go wrong.  

Both my girls know they won’t get in trouble for being honest, and I will always do everything I can to help them. If your child comes to you and says they have been sent (or have sent) a nude image, getting angry is going to shut down any further communication.  

Parental controls are a bit like child safety caps, if kids can find a way round them, they will. Make sure they know if they have done this and seen something they didn’t like, they can talk to you calmly. 

4. Know how to block and report

Most platforms allow you to block and report inappropriate users. Make sure you know how to do this!  

5. Seek support

My eldest’s high school have been very responsive when there have been issues with online activity with her peers and incorporate it into their PSHE lessons. If something has come up you are concerned about, talk to the school as well as your child. 

 For more support, there are some fantastic resources out there including: 

•  Keeping children safe online | NSPCC 
• Keep Children Safe Online: Information, advice, support – Internet Matters 

 The internet is a weird and wonderful place, and a powerful tool for learning and connection, but it comes with ever-changing risks. These is just some examples of things I do to try and keep my children safe online. Above all, I know I need to keep the conversation going with them and know what I can do to help.