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Christian Webb (he/they), a Brook Education and Wellbeing Specialist based in Wales, offers 10 top tips for how to teach about porn based on feedback from young people in a recent project.
We know that young people want to learn about pornography – recent news articles and research suggest it’s a topic young people are affected by but learn little about. But we also know that it can be a daunting topic to approach for teachers and those working with young people. That’s why we conducted a project, funded by the National Lottery Community Fund, to understand more about how young people in Wales feel about pornography education, and what we can do to improve it.
The project gathered feedback and ideas from young people using an anonymous digital platform, and they gave us invaluable insights into pornography education. Here are just a few things young people told us…
With this snapshot into what and how young people want to learn about pornography, we’ve created some top tips for professionals if they’re thinking about delivering education about pornography. For every tip, we’ve included a direct quote from a young person from our project.
While we don’t have to be experts on pornography to teach it, it’s important you have a good understanding of what pornography is, its potential impacts and the risks and laws regarding pornography. We encourage staff to attend one of our professional trainings on pornography so you can learn more about it and how to talk to young people about it.
Remember – you might not have the answer to every question!
It’s okay to admit you don’t know the answer and signpost to safe sources of information, like our website and other websites like The Mix, or do some more research and come back to the young person.
Our research showed how important it was for young people to feel that they weren’t going to be judged, embarrassed, shamed or humiliated.
All of Brook’s education sessions with young people begin by co-creating safe, open and non-judgemental spaces through a group agreement, whether it’s about pornography or any other RSE topic. In creating these spaces, we set out the parameters for exploring views and values.
Remember to be inclusive and pluralistic
It’s good to talk about the fact that everyone will have their own views and opinions on sex, sexuality, relationships and pornography. This might be of their religion, culture, home life or other factors, but the session is a space to safely explore the facts and potential impacts of pornography. In the group agreement, we also reassure young people it’s okay to feel a little awkward and embarrassed, but it’s important they receive the information to keep themselves safe and make informed decisions.
It’s natural to be curious about sex, and pornography is just one way a young person might learn more. It’s important we don’t shame young people for this very natural curiosity.
At Brook, we frame pornography as one of the many ways young people might learn about sex and relationships, alongside other sources such as school, social media, parents and carers, friends and other sources. We weigh up the positive and negatives of each source of information, before talking about pornography in more detail.
Our education sessions explore the potential upsides and downsides to watching pornography, rather than scaremonger and frame pornography solely in negative terms.
We do this by using facts: porn can reproduce unrealistic body ideals, it often doesn’t show consent or condoms being used and often shows high rates of violence. However, porn can also be a way for people to learn about bodies, sex, and can be a part of them exploring sexual pleasure and their sexuality.
The aim of our session isn’t to tell young people to watch pornography or not – it’s to develop the critical thinking skills if they do watch pornography or influenced by it in relationships, and to know about the risks and the law.
It’s important to highlight that some young people won’t want to watch pornography and, just like sex and sexual activity, nobody should do anything they don’t want to. If a young person is being pressured to watch pornography, if it’s by a partner of somebody else, they should speak to an adult they trust.
Porn is entertainment for adults and most mainstream pornography is produced, directed, edited and performed.
This means we shouldn’t use it as the rule book for how to have sex in the real world as it can be unrealistic. This includes how long penetrative sex lasts for, what people’s bodies and genitals look like, and the importance of consent and contraception. Sex should always be safe, consensual and pleasurable, built on good communication and trust. Activities that help distinguish between the myths around sex that porn reproduces and the realities of how sex should be, help to address this.
Many young people wanted us to talk about ‘porn addiction’. While this isn’t a diagnosis in the UK, we talk to young people about identifying a problematic relationship with pornography. This includes:
We’ve included this information, and advice for how to manage a problematic relationship with porn, in our updated education session.
There’s a misconception that young people under 18 will be criminalised for watching pornography. Often when we talk to young people about pornography, they’re worried that they are going to get into trouble because they’ve watched it.
In the UK, it’s not illegal for a young person under 18 to watch pornography – it’s the responsibility of distributors (like websites and shops that sell pornography) not to sell or show pornography to young people. It’s important young people know, however, that it’s illegal to show pornography to another young person under the age of 18, including if they’re in a relationship.
By informing young people about the law around pornography, we enable them to ask questions without the fear of being in trouble.
LGBT+ young people told us it was important to make sure sessions were inclusive and mentioned that porn included sex between lots of different people, and for some this was a positive thing and a way of exploring their sexuality.
We also think it’s important to mention there can be some harmful stereotypes in pornography in terms of gender, sexual orientation and race. It’s important to highlight false stereotypes to ensure everyone feels included in the session. This includes things like:
It’s important young people know that they can ask questions outside of the session and seek support. At the end of our sessions, we remind young people they can speak to a trusted adult such as a teacher, youth worker, parent or carer. We signpost to local and national support services, such as Childline and The Mix (we also have Meic in Wales, an advocacy and listening service for young people). We also remind young people about the support available on our website, not just about porn but all the other topics when it comes to sex, relationships, sexuality and gender.
The most powerful quote that stood out for me during the project was ‘don’t mince your words’.
Young people want clear, informative information about pornography, its impact and the law.
They want safe, open, non-judgemental spaces to explore the topic and they want to know where to go if they have questions or concerns. They want to be supported by staff who know their stuff and are willing to answer questions.
Brook is here to support schools, youth groups and settings to discuss pornography with their young people. For further information about training and support, email training@brook.org.uk.
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