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Everyone makes mistakes throughout life. But there are some things you probably want to avoid, like pregnancy scares, STIs or sleeping with someone you shouldn’t have slept with.
Here are our top tips to avoiding situations like this…
What some young people have told us:
I think it’s best to wait until I’m in a loving relationship. Waiting to me is well worth it. Beth, 16
I think it’s best to wait until I’m in a loving relationship. Waiting to me is well worth it.
I haven’t regretted anything but I know a few people who have. One friend just lost his virginity to a girl through casual sex. He regrets it because he’d rather be in a relationship. You should do it with someone you know and you’re with, otherwise it can knock your confidence. Samuel, 18
I haven’t regretted anything but I know a few people who have. One friend just lost his virginity to a girl through casual sex. He regrets it because he’d rather be in a relationship. You should do it with someone you know and you’re with, otherwise it can knock your confidence.
Drinking and drugs can make you regret things. My friend had sex with his mate’s girlfriend when he was completely drunk. He didn’t know what to do. He just felt ashamed of himself. I don’t mind if people drink but they have to drink sensibly. Daniel, 18
Drinking and drugs can make you regret things. My friend had sex with his mate’s girlfriend when he was completely drunk. He didn’t know what to do. He just felt ashamed of himself. I don’t mind if people drink but they have to drink sensibly.
As well as having strategies for avoiding risky situations, it’s also worth thinking about why you have sex.
Some people use sex as a way of getting friends or to stop feeling lonely but this can lead to problems. People can feel used if someone is just seeing them for sex, when what they want is a relationship or friendship. It’s also unlikely to stop a feeling ofloneliness, because loneliness is often more about having friends and company than sex.
If you feel that you’re using sex just to get friends, company or be accepted by people, here are some questions to ask yourself?
What do you get from sex? Have a think about what you’re getting from sex. What does having sex do for you? What do you enjoy about it? What do you regret?
Are there other ways you can get what you want? If you are having sex because you’re lonely or want friends, are there other ways that you can make friends? Can you just spend time with people doing other things?
What does it make you feel like? Have a think about how sex makes you feel. Does it make you feel good about yourself or do you end up feeling a bit low?
There are lots of ways to get friends and to make friends, other than through using sex. There are also lots of places to get help and support if you or someone you know are feeling this way.
People have very different views and opinions about sex and relationships and what is right and wrong behaviour.
It’s also an unfortunate fact that sexual double standards exist between men and women.
Brook’s view is that there’s nothing wrong with having lots of sex or many partners as long as what you are doing is safe, is making you happy and doesn’t hurt anyone.
But it’s good to be aware of some of these double standards, as you may come up against them at some point. By being aware of them, you can make more informed choices about what you want to do and what you don’t want to do.
Here are some of the double standards that young people have told us exist:
Some of these views have been around for a long time and it’s about time they changed. Although, the fact is that some people still think this way so if you do want to have lots of sex or sleep with lots of different people then you may find you get a reputation.
So here’s our advice to navigating these tricky waters:
Keep things quiet. You don’t need to tell everyone about everything you’re doing in your life, so it might help to keep you sex life quiet by only telling people you can trustFind people who respect you. If someone is going to sleep with you and then slag you off to their mates afterwards, is this really the sort of person you want to be going with? Try finding people who will respect you for who you areThink about the effects of what you’re doing. There are some things that will earn someone a reputation straight away, like cheating on someone or sleeping with someone else’s partner. It can help to think about the effects of what you’re doing before you do itThink about why you’re doing what you’re doing. Are you sleeping with a lot of people because you’re unhappy, or are you happy and comfortable with what you’re doing?Talk to friends you can trust. Talking to friends can help you think things through
Zoi, 21, shares her story of how body disassociation has affected her relationship with masturbation and sexual intimacy.
Charlotte, 20, shares her journey of becoming comfortable with masturbation and understanding what pleasure means to her.
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